The Academy of S.I.D.E.

No. 39: Romantic Occasion, or Corporate Scam?

"HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE!" Roman sang, practically dancing into the auditorium. "It's the best day of the year! Be happy! Be cheerful! And most importantly, love!"

"Valentine's Day is fueled by capitalism and isn't even a real holiday," Janus said, his voice muffled by the script book lying open across his face. "The best way to celebrate it is to not celebrate it at all."

Roman crossed his arms. "Yeah? Tell that to the massive box of chocolates you got Remus."

"Yes, well, he enjoys the holiday, and I do enjoy seeing that sweet little happy face of his." Janus let out a little sigh. "It makes me want to---"

"Patton alert," Virgil called as the blonde boy wandered into the auditorium.

"Kiss him until he can't breathe anymore."

"Nice save," he whispered, nudging him. "You should probably take the script off of your face, though."

"Absolutely not. I have to achieve peak petty drama if I want to nail this role."

"Janus, it's Anything Goes."

"Exactly my point. I'll be betraying the memory of Cole Porter if I don't hit maximum dramatic gay energy."

"Jesus fucking Christ," Virgil muttered.

Janus tsked. "Language, Virgil, there are children present."

Roman hugged Virgil from behind and kissed him on the forehead. "How is my darling emo doing on this fine day?"

"Feeling a little better, now that you're here to distract me from this overly dramatic snake here," Virgil told him, jerking his thumb towards Janus.

"I'd give you a dirty look, but I can't at the moment," Janus said.

Roman plucked the script off of his face. "A more productive way of rehearsing would be actually reading the goddamned script, you know."

"First of all, bitch, and second of all, I have all of the songs memorized."

"Yeah? What about the dialogue?"

Janus shrugged. "I can read the script later."

"I have never been more grateful for the fact that I'm on crew," Virgil grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Patton perked up. "Do you really have all the songs from this show memorized?"

"Yep," Janus proclaimed, grinning. "Throw out a song and I'll sing it."

"Ummm..." Patton furrowed his brow, thinking. "How about De-Lovely?"

"Excellent choice." He got out of his seat and walked onto the stage.

"Uh-oh, watch it," Virgil said in an undertone. "I think you just signed up for a performance."

"Lucky us," Roman sighed, a resigned look on his face.

Janus cleared his throat. "All right, I've gotta start in the right key..." He hummed a note. Patton gave him an encouraging thumbs-up.

Remus walked in and brightened. "Are you gonna sing?"

"Yes, darling, just give me a second." Janus fixed his collar, then cleared his throat again.

"The night is young, the skies are clear / So if you want to go walking, dear / It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely!" he sang. "I understand the reason why / You're sentimental, so am I / It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely!"

"Whoo!" Patton cheered.

Janus did a little spin. "You can tell at a glance / What a swell night this is for romance / You can hear Mother Nature murmuring low / 'Let yourself go!' / So please be sweet, my chickadee / And when I kiss you, just say to me / 'It's delightful, it's delicious / It's delectable, it's delirious / It's dilemma, it's delimit, it's deluxe, it's de-looooooooooooovely!'"