Calm [H.S]

Chapter 26: Grieving

Harry's POV:

It's been a couple days since she told me there were no stars, she hasn't said a word since. She hasn't even left her room. She hasn't showered, she hasn't eaten, just been alone, secluded. I haven't told anyone about this yet because if I were in her position I wouldn't want people asking me a million questions. I walk into her room like I do every morning, I've been sleeping in my room to give her space, and try to talk to her.

I set a plate of chocolate chip pancakes on the nightstand, her favorite. She doesn't even look at them. She hasn't read the books I left her either but you can't blame her, she probably can't even think straight.

"Leah, can you please eat something sweetheart? This isn't healthy," I ask. She just looks at me not saying anything. I like to think she wants to talk to me but she just doesn't know what to say.

She probably doesn't eat because she's been throwing up. I don't know what comes up because she hasn't eaten anything.

"Please?" I question, again. "Have you showered at all?"

She just looks at me and I flick back and forth between her green eyes that I've never seen so dull in my life. "Okay, so you need to shower too then."

This is how her and me's conversations have been going the past couple days, if you can even call these conversations. I just talk to her because I like to think that it helps not that she tells me if it does. I look at her and she looks at me.

"How about we take it slow then. You can take a shower and process the thought of eating and maybe while you're eating I can read to you or something?" I get up from the edge of the bed and go into her suitcase sitting on the floor. I wouldn't be doing this if she wasn't in this position.

I grab clothes out for her and then I go into the bathroom, turning the water on and laying a towel out. I come back out and she's just watching me move around the room. "Okay, you're all set."

She doesn't move, she just looks at me. I walk over to her and grab her hands and I look down at her chipped nail polish. "You're killing me here. Please?"

She nods and relief instantly washes over me, maybe we're making progress. "I'll be right here when you get out."

She walks into the bathroom and closes the door. This is good, I got her to interact with me in some way. Now all I can do is hope that means we are getting through this.

After a little while I hear the water stop. It's silent for a couple minutes and then she walks out and goes over to her suitcase and pulls her brush out and brushes her hair. She then puts the brush back and walks back over to the bed. She sits down gently and criss crosses her legs. I put the plate of pancakes in front of her and she just stares at them. "The worst thing that can happen if you eat those is that you throw them up and that's okay. I'll hold your hair back." Leah's afraid of throwing up and that's not helping the eating situation at all.

"Leah, look at me," she looks away from the pancakes and looks into my eyes. "It's going to be okay, I'm right here, I can even read to you if you would like." I hand her the two books to choose from. She picks Love is a Mixtape. I nod and sit back against the headboard and begin to read. 

I notice that she just stares at it for a while and then she picks up the fork and knife and begins to cut it into small pieces. Once it's cut up she stares at it again, debating on whether to eat it or not. She puts her fork into one of the pieces and picks it up. She looks at it, goes to put it in her mouth and then she stops as if she were disgusted by the thought of it. She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and puts it in her mouth.

I smile but don't say anything and continue to read. I wish I could tell her how proud I was that she ate something but I didn't want her to stop and sometimes bringing attention to something only makes it harder. She finishes the one pancake I gave her as I finish the chapter I was reading. She puts her plate on the nightstand and looks over at me. "I think I'm gonna go watch a movie if you want to join me, if not that's okay too. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

Leah's POV:

He leaves the room and I sit there feeling sick to my stomach. I feel bad for him, he just wants me to be better so bad and I can see the strain it's putting on him. I can't find the words in my head to even talk to him though. This is the first time I've eaten in a little while he must be pleased. I wish I could be better, not only for me but for him but I can't seem to handle that right now. Maybe I should just watch the movie with him, it's not like he aspects anything from me. He just asked if I wanted to sit and watch a movie with him.

I get up from the bed and just stare at it. I have been laying in that spot for days. Who am I? I go to the door and stare at the door knob thinking about whether I should open it or not. The second I open it there is not going back, he'll hear me. I step back and run my hands through my hair. I just wish I was okay, my brain feels so heavy. I knew Kenna was dead but I didn't let it hurt me until now and Harry, who is my ex boyfriend, is the one that has to deal with it. This isn't even his problem.

I walk over to the door and open it, quietly stepping into the hallway. It's dark and cold, I haven't been out of my room in a while. I tiptoe down the stairs and walk toward the living room. I peek in, he hasn't noticed me. He seems to be in his own world, he's crying. Why is he crying? I move closer to look at the TV, he's watching The Notebook but it isn't the sad part, it's the part where they fall in love. I realize what is going on in his head and I step away and cover my hand over my mouth so it catches my cry.

I lean against the wall and just start to cry. I then make a break towards the stairs. I quietly walk up to my room and I walk in, shutting the door so quietly that it doesn't even make a noise. I don't want him to know I was down there. I take a pillow off the bed, shove my face into it, and begin to sob.

Harry was crying to Noah and Allie falling in love. We're Noah and Allie and he's grieving what we lost. He never really cries during The Notebook and if he does it's the ending.

He's grieving our relationship. I haven't really cried about us a lot, it's always been about Kenna but now it's like I'm getting flashbacks of every good moment we have ever had together. I run over to the other side of the room, opening my backpack and pulling out my sketchbook and some pencils, regular ones and colored ones. I then leave my room not worrying whether I'm being loud or not because I need to hurry before this feeling leaves. I run up to the roof, tears still streaming down my face, and I sit down on the couch, overlooking his yard. My pencil meets the paper and here I am. I'm drawing again.