In Sickness and in Health ( Fall out boy )

Chapter 5

P.o.v Patrick

I feel as if the breath is literally stolen from my lungs. I choke a bit, trying to take a proper breath. I don't need to understand what the first two words mean- all I need to understand is Leukemia and I know.

Cancer.

You always hear of other people's stories, but I am one of those people now. There is no going back.

I realize that I have been silent for several minutes, and finally clear my throat, "I- I, um..." I try to say, unable to make eye contact with my bearer of tragedy.

I lick my dry lips, and try again, "What does that mean?" I know it's a stupid question, but I can't stand the silence anymore.

"It means that you have a fast-acting form of Leukemia... Cancer. We still need to conduct more research, but we believe that it has started in your 'B-cells', which is in your bone marrow." He says, his voice attempting to drill into my foggy mind, but nothing is making sense. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"I'll give you a moment." He says, interrupting another unintentional silence, patting my shoulder on his way by. Once the door closes behind him, I am panting, trying to breath without realizing I was holding my breath moments before.  I have no idea why but I can't stop, and I clutch my stomach, trying to calm down.

No.

This is a dream, some kind of twisted delusion. I can't have cancer. I can't.

What about Elisa? 

The fans?
The guys?

I can't leave them. I can't. I have to fight this. But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself?

But suddenly I'm angry. I'm angry with myself- my body, more like it. I can't help it, I can't contain anythign inside- I yell. I yell out of pure frustration, pounding my fist on the uncomfortable bed I'm sitting on- not caring if anyone can hear me.

I feel tears streak down my face- tears I hadn't even known were there until they dropped onto my jeans. I can't do this, how am I supposed to?

Thanks for the support, all of you are so important to me<3