In Sickness and in Health ( Fall out boy )

Chapter 26

P.o.v Pete

*2 months later*

"Whatever happened to in sickness and in health? 'Til death do us part? Well, I guess none of that mattered, and when you left for good my disease filled the hole you left behind."

"When you're a dead man walking, nothing hurts worse than having your heart filled with the poison from another, despite death pulling at your bones."

"European love, more pure than the 'love' she pulled from the gutters outside of  an empty city. European love, you've destroyed all pain, you've loved me through vows we've never made."

The list of lyrics from different songs goes on- I had no idea Patrick was writing the whole time we were on our trip, maybe even before then, too. When we got home the day after he died, I decided to unpack his bag at my house, and while doing so I found a whole notebook full of dozens- maybe even hundreds -of songs. Many of them revolve around Elisa, but the majority of them involve me. I sat through an entire sleepless night reading every last song written in his wonderful handwriting. 

Patrick's funeral was hard enough- which was a few weeks ago, and I never want to think about it again -but now we're having a public service for him in a few hours, and writing a speech has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Joe and Andy both told me they don't want to speak, so that leaves me to have to talk.

This service, we're having it at Millennium Park in Chicago, and we put out a post on Facebook for anyone who wants to come and pay their respect. 

I've never been so nervous. 

~~~~~

My hands shake furiously as I step up and onto the podium that's set up, large pictures of Patrick hang on either side of the small stage for everyone to see. Andy and Joe step up beside me for support. 

I adjust the microphone a bit and look out into the peacefully silent crowd that has gathered- there's thousands of people here. Even though I've been standing in front of people on a stage for the past decade, in this moment I feel like I'm going to be sick. 

"Um, thank you to everyone who's here in this park right now, to everyone who has shown up to say one last goodbye to a guy who was and still is important to all of us here." I begin, a little awkward.

"I'm going to say this right off the bat, and come out unashamed to let you all know- Patrick and I were together, during his last months. God, we wasted so many years where we could've told each other we were in love. But instead we were afraid and denied every feeling that arose. And because of that we didn't get to be together until there was no time left... I'm telling all of you this for two reasons." I explain, taking a deep breath before continuing on. 

"One- if there is someone in your life right now that you love and haven't told, go out and do that shit immediately. Because before you know it, it's too late. And two- I'm saying all this because cancer affects too many of us. Everyone here probably knows more than one person who suffers with the disease. Patrick is just another casualty out of millions. But he was my casualty, our casualty. 

"His story and his life weren't for nothing- he saved people, together in our band we saved people from depression, anxiety, and other problems that people and kids face day to day. But there is one thing music cannot do; cure cancer. From this day forward 85% of all the profit that Fall out boy will make will go to various organisations that focus primarily on cancer research." There is an applause and cheering from the crowd, and I stop for a moment to collect myself. 

An unexpected tear falls from my eye, "He died too young, we had our whole lives to look forward to. But that was taken from him, from me, and from so many others. This is why a few of our friends-" I pause and look to where Brendon, David, Hayley, Tyler and Josh stand off to the side, and I give them a smile. "Will be working with Fall out boy to continue to release new songs, some written by myself, Andy, and Joe, and some written by Patrick during the final stages of his life. Our main goal is to continue to raise money for cancer awareness through music. Sign up on our website to join us in our movement to end this terrible disease, thank you." I finish, and the crowd yet again cheers loudly, proudly. 

"We were told you were all given candles, so if you could, lets all light them in a moment of silence for all who've lost their battle to this monster." I say, and I pick up my own candle from the three that stand waiting on the podium. I give Andy and Joe theirs, and then I flick the switch on the bottom of the white candle in my hand. I watch as the thousands of people in front of us do as well, illuminating the park through the darkness of night. I bow my head, and wait for a few minutes before speaking again, the air absolutely silent. 

"Thank you." I say gratefully, and we step back from the podium signalling the end of the ceremony. I catch Brendon's eye, and he gives me a nod, lifting his candle in a salute. 

I stand by myself as Joe and Andy walk off, and watch as many people come up and put bouquets and flowers on the ground in front of the podium. 

A little girl catches my eye as she runs around in the grass, looking desperately for something. She suddenly jumps excitedly and her light blonde hair covers her face for a moment as she picks a dandelion from the earth. She stands up and runs back to her mother's side, gently placing her dandelion into the pile as her mother gazes up at the pictures of Patrick. 

After they walk off I quickly run to the growing stack of flowers and pull the dandelion out. I hold it to my chest as I go back to where I was standing before- I'll stay for a few more minutes, I guess.

Just as I am about to leave, I see Elisa step up to the pile. She slowly puts down a single Veratrum flower, and looks up at me to make eye contact. I feel like running up and punching her in the face for all the pain she caused Patrick, but I hold myself back. 

Instead, I simply glare at her until she backs down and nods, walking away. She has no right at all to be here. I take a deep breath walk to my car, getting in and setting the dandelion down on the passenger seat. 

When I get home, I take off my suit jacket and throw it on the couch before I walk out to the back porch with the small flower. 

I close my eyes and feel the crisp breeze dance through my hair. I smile and feel a warm tear trickle down my cheek. 

I open my eyes and blow the dandelion, watching its little white fuzzies blow out and away into the wind before I look up into the beautiful night sky, "Goodbye, Patrick." I whisper, and drop the dandelion's stem, watching it catch the breeze and float away. "I'll miss you."      

This is the final part to this story, and I have to say I am pretty proud of it. Thank you to everyone for reading, and I hope you all love this story as much as I do.