Hiding Behind the Lenses (Arte del Amor #3)

PROLOGUE

Leaves of brown and yellow colors filled the sidewalks. Just when I was about to step on them, the wind blows them away. I stretched my arms to reach for them, but they're too far up.

Autumn here in Milan makes me feel nostalgic for some reason.

There's no such season back home, but it makes me miss it. I miss everything back there, but this is my life now. Whether I like it or not, I have to live and deal with it.

Still... living with it doesn't make all the what ifs go away. Would I be happy only if I chose to stay? Will I be living this life that everyone wants if I didn't leave?

Isang babae ang natigilan sa harap ko nang magkasalubong kami. Mukha siyang natataranta. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa batang nakatingala sa akin.

"Buon giorno!" I smiled at the baby riding a stroller. Her face lit up immediately.

Her eyes are gray and it made my heart ache. Something about gray eyes... I miss my favorite pair of those.

Are they still as beautiful? I wonder.

"You're beautiful! How old is she?"

"She's turning one this December." maligayang sabi ng nanay. Tumango ako at gusto niya palang magpa-picture sa akin. I gladly accepted the offer, she's friendly.

My lips twitched as I tried my hardest not to frown because of the bitterness I am feeling.

Maya-maya ay dumating na ang asawa niya at malalawak ang mga ngiti nila. Nilagpasan ko na sila, "Gemini! I'm really your fan. Goodluck on the show!" habol ng babae na hawak na ang anak niya ngayon.

I looked back and waved, "Buona giornata."

Nawala ang ngiti ko pagtalikod ko sa kanila.

My whole life, everything I heard from my mom is to be where I am right now and I spent all my time making it into reality. Reaching the top would be the best feeling ever, she said.

So, I sacrificed everything I had, my name, my childhood, my life... my love.

I am here.

I am living the dream, Mom.

But it doesn't feel as fulfilling as I thought it would be.

Iyong nakasalubong ko ngayon-ngayon lang, bakit parang mas masaya naman sila kaysa sa akin? Hindi sila sikat, hindi sila kilala ng mundo, hindi sila ako... pero totoo ang mga ngiti nila.

My eyes feasted on the beautiful streets of Milan. Nakuha ng isang simpleng cafè ang mga mata ko, kaya doon ako pumasok. Inatake ng amoy ng kape ang ilong ko at napasinghap ako dahil doon.

Walang ibang tao. Mayroon na iilan pero hindi nila ako pinapansin, dahilan para mapanatag ang loob ko. Dito na muna ako hanggang mamaya. Ayaw ko namang magkulong lang sa kwarto. Lalo na kung hindi ako sigurado kung gaano katagal pa ako rito.

"You look dashing, Signorina." sabi ng nag-serve ng kape ko. Binigyan ko siya ng matipid na ngiti bago siya naglakad pabalik sa estasyon niya kanina.

Ambang iinom pa lamang ako sa mainit kong kape nang nakarinig ako ng tunog ng flash at click ng camera. I heard it loud and clear, so whoever took it would be close. I saw the person shamelessly seated in the table front of me, taking pictures.

It immediately triggered my fight or flight response. I hurriedly stood up, taking my clutch bag with me and stormed out of the cafè.

Just because I'm used to this doesn't mean it is okay.

Bawat galaw ko ay may nakabantay. May mga mapanghusgang mata na nakatutok sa akin kahit saan ako magpunta. Lahat sila ay naghihintay lang na magkamali ako.