This Damn Hat

Chapter 14

Third P.O.V

"What do you mean?" Ukraine asked, perplexed.

"What if your dad didn't know he was hurting you and Russia? What if he didn't want to hurt anyone?"

Ukraine laughed bitterly. "Even if that were true, he wouldn't listen to me. He never believes anything if it means he's in the wrong. He's too much of a narcissist for that."

"But you have to try. He's still your father and I'm sure he loves you. After seeing how his actions affected Russia, he has to realise something he's doing is wrong."

"You don't know that."

"Maybe not, but it's still worth a try, right? It would give you and Russia a better father and would help him become a better person."

Ukraine thought about it. USSR turning over a new leaf had always been a mere dream for her and Russia, a dream they thought could never become reality.

Neither of them tried to talk to their father about their true feelings because it seemed too far-fetched for their ideal scenario to come true. But now, there was a chance. It was only a small chance, but to the hopeless, the tiniest glimmer of hope can seem like a miracle.

"...I'll have a talk with him tonight."

"Good luck." America smiled and gave Ukraine a pat on the back.

Meanwhile, USSR sat alone at his desk in his bedroom.

Ever since he read Russia's suicide note and had that argument with Ukraine, he's been doing a lot of thinking.

USSR, contrary to what you may have expected, knew he tended to overreact and often wished he didn't react the way he did once the situation had passed. But, he couldn't control his anger and always ended up lashing out. He didn't know why he was so easily triggered.

He hated admitting it, but when your own child attempts suicide because of you, how can you keep ignoring your flaws?

His emotions were a mess. He didn't want this to be his fault, but everything pointed to it. Russia writing about how he believed he only brought trouble to his father, Ukraine yelling at him about questioning her self worth...

It was all because of him. His reckless actions caused his own children to resent him.

USSR buried his face in his hands. His shaky ego had ruined many of his relationships in the past. Those who used to care for him left him because he was a narcissist. He mostly did things to benefit himself, he never thought much about the other party.

He told himself that it was their fault for leaving him and not his own narcissism that made the relationship fall apart.

He put on a facade that he used to convince everyone, even himself, that he was a different person than he really was.

Now that his facade was falling apart, he wasn't sure what to do.

His entire life was spent believing he was superior to everyone around him.

He trusted nobody but himself.

He didn't want to admit he was flawed, he really didn't.

But once he thought of what he drove his son to do, he couldn't help but choke out a sob.

He loved Russia with all his heart. He was one of the only people who mattered to him. However, his own narcissism prevented him from expressing it.

His worst fear was appearing weak in front of others. That's why he made himself seem superior by devaluing anyone who opposed him.

He was a grown man, but he always acted so childish and defensive whenever anyone dared challenge his ego.