This Damn Hat

Chapter 15

Third P.O.V

USSR entered the ward, slowly closing the door behind him. He needed to admit to his son that he was wrong, no matter how hard it was.

Russia tensed up the second he noticed USSR. When he visited him earlier today, he had remained silent while Ukraine was the one crying and talking. Russia assumed USSR was still too shocked from the initial event to even say a word.

Now, he's back, and Russia didn't know why. His first thought was that his father was about to yell at him like he usually did whenever he had made a mistake. Maybe USSR thought Russia was stupid and ungrateful for trying to hang himself and wanted to scold him for that.

USSR noticed Russia's suspense when he saw him and felt his heart ache.

What he had done was bad enough to cause his son to worry at the sight of him.

USSR took a few steps closer to Russia, sat down next to him and softly placed his hand on his son's head.

"I'm sorry, Russia. I'm so sorry."

Russia was expecting the worst, but when he got this response instead, he started sobbing uncontrollably.

Hearing an apology may seem like nothing much to an outsider, but to Russia, it meant everything.

His father was the most important person in his life. Russia could never hate him despite everything he's said to him. He didn't want to hate him.

He just hated all the pain his father put him through.

Even though he didn't hate him, Russia still saw him as a narcissist who would never see the error of his ways. A narcissist who would never understand the damage he had dealt.

So, to hear his father finally apologise after so many years of avoiding his own mistakes, made Russia extremely emotional.

Tears swelled in USSR's eyes as he saw what effect one apology had on Russia. He had hurt him so much.

"I'm sorry, Russia. I never wanted you to hate yourself. I never wanted you to die. I never... I never wanted you to do that to yourself! I never, ever wanted to hurt you... I just couldn't control myself. My anger would always get the better of me and I would..."

A tear rolled down USSR's cheek.

"I would yell and shout at you. I hurt you. I knew how much words could hurt and yet I... Russia, you don't have to forgive me after everything I've done. If I've driven you to this point, then... I really don't deserve it. But, I'm going to try to change, okay? I know it's not going to be easy, but I want to become someone who doesn't hurt you. I'm not going to change in one day and I'm probably still going to say hurtful words to you when I'm mad, but trust me when I say I will work on it. We're all in this together. Me, you and Ukraine. Nobody is going to be alone. We'll all be right by each other's side."

"I-"

Russia tried to speak, but only ended up getting interrupted by his own gasps and cries.

USSR helped Russia sit up so he could breathe better. He gently stroked Russia's back to comfort him.

"Relax. It's okay, take your time. I... I know this is hard for you especially. You can cry as much as you need to. I'm right here."

It took quite a while for Russia's violent sobs to die down. He was so overwhelmed by emotion that he thought he would never stop crying.

He was still crying, but at least now he could speak. USSR wiped away Russia's tears and they looked each other in the eye.

"Па... Папа... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to make you and Ukraine worry... I'm sorry I'm a burden..."