This Damn Hat

Chapter 19

Third P.O.V

Russia entered his room before collapsing onto the bed. He fell face first into his pillow which made it hard for him to breathe, but he didn't care.

He didn't know how he felt. He was feeling everything and feeling nothing at the same time. It was like all his negative emotions mixed together to create numbness.

He felt empty. He had no purpose here. He doesn't belong here. He should've never existed in the first place.

Russia, with what little spark he had left, stood up. He opened his drawer and stared at the makeshift noose he had tied a few days ago.

It was time.

He picked it up and dragged out the chair. He placed the chair at the centre of the room and climbed up on top of it. Following that, he hanged the noose on the ceiling hook.

Once everything had been set up, he climbed down and teared out a piece of paper from his notebook. With violently shaking hands, he picked up a pen and wrote his final letter. Afterwards, he sent one last text to a close friend.

While he used his phone, he saw one post with all of his friends having fun. They would be alright without him.

That thought both comforted and unsettled Russia. He wanted his friends to be okay, even if he meant nothing to them.

His heart was heavy as it dawned on him that once he jumped down from the chair, it would all be over. Everything was going to end.

He climbed back up on the chair and placed the noose around his neck. His heart raced, but despite that, he still felt numb.

What was the point of moving forward?

What was the point in living if each day was just another reminder of how useless and unworthy you are?

He just didn't want to be here anymore.

He closed his eyes. He'll be where he belongs soon.

"I'm sorry, everyone." He whispered.

He's going to end all this noise in his head and he's not going to look back.

He kicked the chair underneath him, and he fell.

In an instant, all his thoughts of wanting to end his life seemed to be thrown to the wind. The rope put immense pressure on his neck, preventing him from breathing.

His chest burned and every part of his body was screaming for oxygen. Every part of him was in pain. His mind went into a panic and all he could focus on was the rope suffocating him.

He pulled the rope that he had put around himself. He didn't want to die. He wanted to live. He wanted to live to see another day.

That's when he felt himself being lifted up. He took in a deep, sharp breath, letting air fill his empty lungs.

Then, everything went black.

Russia woke up in a panic. He was panting heavily and his entire body was drenched in sweat.

His hand immediately went to his neck, feeling around it for a rope. His breathing relaxed a little when he realised there was none.

He sat there on his bed, he bit his lip and clenched his fists.

There was a question that weighed down on him.

It was the same question that had plagued his mind for years.