This Damn Hat

Chapter 16

America P.O.V

It was the day after I had visited Russia in the hospital. I sat on my bed, holding my hat in my hands. When I stared at it, I couldn't help but reminisce about the time when me and Russia were dating.

Those were by far one of the happiest times of my life. Everything just seemed so perfect.

But look where we are now.

If I'm honest, I feel kind of betrayed. I thought that out of everyone, Russia would tell me about his worries, but he told me nothing.

Instead, he chose to break my heart and never bothered to tell me his true reasons.

He hurt me, so why do I not want to let him go?

He didn't trust me, so why do I trust him?

Why do I still love him?

Why?

...

I guess it's because I can understand why he did it. I can understand why he chose to hurt me.

The words he said to me yesterday rang in my head.

"it's better if I-I'm the only one suffering, right? As long as everyone else is happy..."

That mindset probably made him believe it would be easier for me to let go of him if he distanced himself from me. He assumed that the hurt I would get from the breakup would be nothing compared to the amount of trouble he would bring to me if he told me about his problems.

The reason he didn't confide in me wasn't because he didn't trust me.

It was because he hated himself.

I felt my body tremble. He pushed me away for my benefit, not his.

Russia... He was always so modest and selfless. He put others before himself. He took care of others but never took care of himself.

Everything he did was for the good of everyone but himself.

I ruffled my hair in frustration. Why didn't he get it? We don't want him to sacrifice anything for us. We don't want him to neglect his own needs for ours. We want him to care about himself.

Maybe that's why the first thing he did when he saw me yesterday was apologise.

It looks like our biggest challenge will be helping Russia learn how to be selfish.

If he's kept his feelings hidden for so long, there's no doubt there's still some things he's still trying to deal with on his own. But, I don't know if I should confront him or wait until he's ready to tell me.

A buzz from my phone interrupted my thoughts. I had gotten a text from someone.

?:Hey

A: Who's this?

U(Ukraine):It's Ukraine. Germany gave me ur number. Just wanted to let u know that Russia's out of the hospital.

My heart skipped a beat in excitement.

A:Rlly? Does that mean I can meet up with him now?

U:Yup. Go ahead and ask him out, pretty sure u two still need to settle where ur relationship is at.

A:yea, we do. Thanks for telling me

U:Np. Don't stress him out tho, this few days have alr been emotionally exhausting for him.

A:Don't worry, I won't.

I hastily switched the contact from Ukraine to Russia.

A:Yo