This Damn Hat

Chapter 12

Third P.O.V

The six of them, including Germany, went back to their own homes after learning of Russia's suicide attempt. None of them were in the mood for a sleepover anymore.

America laid sideways on his bed, clutching his ushanka tight. He hadn't thrown it away and kind of forgot it existed.

But once he learnt of what Russia had tried to do, he couldn't stop thinking about him. That's when he suddenly remembered he still had his ushanka.

America felt horrible. He had truly believed Russia no longer loved him. He never tried hard enough to reach the truth behind the breakup.

America's tears flowed and flowed. When he thought of what he said to Russia that day, guilt overwhelmed him.

"I gave you my heart, and all I got was this damn hat!"

He threw it on the ground with all his anger.

That must've hurt Russia.

How could he have said that?

How could he have done that?

That was a gift Russia had specially gotten for him.

Why didn't he feel that something was off with Russia's reason?

If Russia hadn't loved him from the start, why would he have gotten him that ushanka?

"I'm an idiot. An idiot!" America yelled to the walls of his room as he choked on his tears.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry... Russia, I'm sorry... so sorry..."

He felt regret.

He should've reached out.

He should've saved him.

He felt responsible for what Russia did. He felt like a murderer.

Emotions overwhelmed him.

If Russia dies now, America will have to carry this guilt with him for the rest of his life.

The guilt of letting Russia die.

Right now, there's nothing he or any one of friends can do to help Russia.

All they can do is pray.

Poland P.O.V

I sat upright on my bed, I was wide-awake.

I wiped my eyes that felt sore from crying. I was one of the only few who knew what Russia could do to himself, but I didn't do anything to help him.

I looked at the time. 6am.

Something told me I wasn't going to get much sleep for school today. Too many questions were running through my mind.

Why didn't I do anything?

What could I have done?

Should I have confronted him?

Should I have told someone?

Would he have lived if I said something?

Is he going to die?

How long has he been considering taking his own life?

...

Why did he do it?

Suicide itself is a deep and somewhat scary topic. When I think of what could drive someone to want to kill themselves...

I shivered.