This Damn Hat

Chapter 22

USSR P.O.V

It was already the night before the party. Ukraine had told me about it when the idea was first brought up and I agreed to make a present as well.

However, even after six days, I still wasn't sure what Russia would like.

It suddenly struck me just how little I knew about my own son. I never put much thought into his birthday presents, I usually just bought him some food or clothes.

I felt guilt building up in my chest. I never put much effort into his birthday because I assumed he didn't mind not getting any celebration. However, I never asked him about how he felt. Birthdays could've meant a lot to him and all I did was treat them as some insignificant event.

...that might've been another reason he thought I didn't care.

I sighed and rest my head in my hands. Why was I so insensitive? Why did I neglect his feelings? Why didn't I do better as a father?

I hated being wrong more than anything else. It felt like if I made even just one single mistake, everything would fall apart.

I treated my mistakes as failures and in turn, I treated my own children's the same way. I was aware of how damaging that could be, but once someone pointed out my errors, I would get defensive.

It was almost like a survival instinct, I just couldn't control myself.

I... I'm not perfect. I know that now. There isn't any point in stubbornly insisting I'm right when all it does is hurt those I care for.

I'll admit, it's hard to acknowledge that. It takes more strength for me to say a mere apology than you could imagine. It's not because I want to put others down, it's because I never really learnt how to deal with my mistakes.

I laugh bitterly. Sounds like a lame excuse for an old man, doesn't it?

I'm still trying to be alright with being wrong. I still hate it, but I believe with time, I will get better.

I don't want to hurt my children ever again. They mean the world to me, even if I struggle at showing it. I'm willing to change for them if it means it'll make them happier.

The first step to changing is making it up to those I hurt. This birthday party is a chance for me to do that.

Let's think... What do I want in this gift?

I want this gift to say all the words I want to say at once. A gift that will tell Russia that I will always love him no matter what happens. A timeless gift that will never get old.

Timeless... Memories would be the first thing that come to mind. Memories are timeless treasures that will always be precious, never losing their value even years after it has taken place.

Years after it has taken place... That's right, me and Russia had a conversation about memories a few years ago.

The sun was setting, it would be dark soon. The ten year old Russia and nine year old Ukraine had been playing at the playground the entire day.

Russia looked at the orange sky and knew they would have to go home soon. Pouting, he walked over to his father.

USSR noticed his upset son walking towards him. "Russia, what's wrong? Why aren't you playing with your sister?"

Russia frowned. "I don't want to go home, I want this day to last forever."

USSR paused before sighing. This always happened whenever he brought them to the playground.