In Love With A Billionaire

And Then There Was Light.

December 19th,2020 (5pm)
Greenwood Psychology, Manhattan, NYC

"What died inside of you, Kellandra?" the middle aged black woman perched and looked at me, putting her pen down and poking at me through her rectangular frames with curious eyes.

"That's the thing. I don't know. I don't know why I feel like shit. I don't know why I had so much sympathy that day for the man that has terrorized my life for nearly a year. I don't understand it." I sighed.

"Do yo-"

"Do I think I could've helped him? Nah. I could've helped him. He wasn't himself .. he was- he was- ... fuck." I settled back into the couch and stared off.

"No, you couldn't have. What you're feeling is common amongst the loved ones of drug users. It's important that you understand that Reese had to want help. You can offer and give and extend every form of help there is but they have to want it."

"Yeah. I think I'm gonna go." I get up and grab my Birkin then look at Olivia one more time before walking to the door.

"Can you write in your journal, Kellandra?" she peered out the door as I strutted down the hallway. I pushed the elevator button and nodded at her with pursed lips. She looked on solemnly as the doors opened and I walked in.

It's been a month since Reese committed suicide. I have never seen anyone commit suicide before nor did I plan on it. I mean, does Brianna count? Bruh, fuck her. Fuck this, fuck everything. I'm tired. I wanna go home.

Incoming FaceTime call from: Husbanddd 🤍

I answer.

"Hey I'm downstairs, you coming?" Avery asks.

"Yeah. I'm walking out the elevator." I respond dryly.

He examines me and strokes his beard.

"How about we go to iHop?"he asks sweetly.

Sure. Hopefully they put some kind of serum in the syrup that erases the sound of the gunshot that resulted in the death of my children's father from my head. I wanted to say.

"Yes. That would be lovely." I try to sound happy, but it is clear that I am not.

I walk outside the high rise building and to the Black G Wagon parked across the street. Avery gets out and holds his arms out, I hug him and melt in his embrace.

We stand there for a second, just hugging and suddenly my knees buckle as I sob loudly.

"Hey hey hey. Shhhh." Avery held me upright. I screamed and wailed, people walked by , looking horrified at the big black man holding the sobbing small black woman in his arms. Avery looked around nervously and continued holding me upright, then turned my face towards his.

"You are strong, I promise you this is no battle that you can't beat." he speaks sternly but emotionally as he stares at me.

"I don't wanna fight anymore, Avery." I whisper through tears.

"Look in this car-" he holds me in front of the rear window, we peer through it at two sleeping babies in car seats.

He turns me back towards him. I look in his glassy eyes and try to stifle my tears. "That's why you have to fight. Fight, Kelly. I'm fighting with you, I'm fighting for you. For us."

"I'm gonna fight." my voice cracks as I speak. "I'm gonna fight for us Avery." I nod and sniffle hard as tears fly down my cheeks.

I straighten up and begin to walk to the passenger side. Then I stop and turn back to Avery, who watches me worriedly.

"Im gonna fight for him." I say half-sure. I nod to myself as the thought dawns on me. Then I turn back and get in the car.

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Later that night...

Earlier today , I said I would fight for you Reese. Why? Because the day I went to get my babies from you, I realized that what you put me through, though it was evil and cruel.. you needed help. I'm gonna fight because before I was introduced to a relapsing, drug riddled criminal, there was a soft hearted, kind, caring man. Do I forgive you ? After so many rapid and powerful thoughts, nights of crying and begging God for his wisdom, begging for the light at the end of the long tunnel that was the pain you and this situation brought me? Yes. Because you are gone. You let me go even when you had the chance to hurt me. I knew you had some light left in you. Will I forget? Of course not. That was the most exhausting, traumatic part of my life. Or at least one of them.

I'm gonna fight for you because I know that all needles or pipes aside, you'd be telling me to fight. You'd be pushing me to do better. That's the thing with you, you were always content with seeing the people around you thrive but little did I know you were suffering. I would've never suspected that, Reese. We could've fought together Reese. I wish you didn't see putting that gun to your head as a way out. Sometimes I guilt myself for not doing enough for you but at the same time what could I have done?

Anyways. We're here and you're not, all that's left to do is fight. So I will. It's not anybody's place to understand.

- Kellandra.