Lover's Curse (Red Queen Awards Winner)

Chapter Two - The Queen of Pawns

I'm good at protecting what they want to take                                                                                                                          - The Outsider by Marina and the Diamonds

Mare

They didn't save me.

I stare listlessly at the food on my plate.  My arvens brought it to me an hour ago, muttering curses after I shattered the accompanying glass.  If only they missed a shard.

Maven is always near me now, perched at the doorway or pacing at the window.  He almost lost me.   He already lost his mind.  And if I play my cards right, he'll lose his war, his throne, and his life.

Empty victories.

"Eat."

I burrow under the covers, closing my eyes.  Hunger gnaws my insides, but it doesn't move me.  My bones ache, my heart cries, my blood burns.  What's another layer of pain, if it will make it all end?

"Eat."

"Choke on Farley's boot."

"Eat or I will make you."  He rips the blanket away.  "You're not dying."

I screech, cackling, shrieking, and sobbing as he clutches his ears.   "That's great.  Tell another."

"You're not dying."

"Oh, colors."  I wheeze.  "Too good.  You're killing me, Maven.  You're  kill--"

He pulls me against his chest, trembling.  "I'll hold you down if I have to.  I'll hold you against the wall and force you to chew and swallow until I trust you will do it without me.  Is that what you want?"

"I'm so fragile.  You'd probably break me."

He grips me tighter.  "Samson.  Don't make me--"

"Do it.  I fucking dare you."  I haul him down until our noses touch, until he has nowhere to look but my eyes.  "Let a whisper into my head again.  Let him scrape into my mind until I can't tell what is him and what is me.  Let me become a walking corpse.  Sound familiar?"

I've never seen him cry before.

"Please."  He traps me in his gaze.  "Don't do this."   Tears splatter onto my cheek.  "Don't kill yourself to spite me.  You're worth so much more than that."

I want to throw the words back at him.  He's bled all the worth out of me.  Why shouldn't I kill myself?

I'm killing myself.

I'm killing myself.

I'm killing myself.

HOLY SHIT I'M KILLING MYSELF

Why am I framing this as his victory?  I'm sure he'll be very sad, but I'll be dead.  Dead!  I won't see my family.   I won't see Cal.  I won't get to watch Maven suffer, so why the hell am I doing this?

My life is my own.  No one can take it from me.

Not even myself.

My body shakes, and I lunge for the fork.  I don't taste the food before swallowing, nearly choking in my haste.  Hungry.  Colors, I'm hungry.

Maven backs away to the door, fumbling for the handle.  "Get some rest."

I give him the finger.

He leaves, and I scream, so loud my Arvens tell me to shut up.  I polish off the rest of the plate, regretful I spurned the water.

I shatter it against the wall.