Lover's Curse (Red Queen Awards Winner)

Chapter Forty Two - Catharsis

Well, you almost had me fooled                                                                                               Told me that I was nothing without you

Mare

"I'm leaving." I lean against the doorway in dark pants and a crudely made top, bare of any jewels or finery. "And I'm not coming back."

"Darling, I love playing cat and mouse, but now isn't the time." Maven flips through a stack of papers, face grim. "The Rift and the Lakelands have wrecked each other's forces, including the assasination of Volo Samos. There must be a way to coax surrender."

"It's time for what, your shiny hat obsession?" I slam a hand on the papers, directing his gaze to me. "You, Cal, Anabel . . . I don't get it. It's a terrible fashion statement. Doesn't even fit properly."

"Three hours." Maven sighs, palm to his temple. "You can choke me all you want in three hours, but I need my concentration right now. Don't you have a book to read?"

"I'm. Not. Trying. To. Choke. You." What the hell is our relationship? "I'm serious. I'm leaving the palace. You can come with me, or you can stay. But I won't wait for you."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"What's ridiculous is that I've stayed this long." I step into the hallway. "Goodbye."

"You need me." Arms pull me backwards, and I stumble against him. Hands mold me to his form, tightening with each cruel whisper. "I'm the only one who understands you. You think Cal wants you anymore? You think the Scarlet Guard trusts you?" His breath hitches. "I've seen the monster inside you, Mare. And I will never judge you for it."

"I've judged yours plenty."

Maven turns me around to face him, eyes wide and searching. "I love you."

"Liar."

His knees clatter to the ground. "I need you. And you need me. We're two broken people, unlovable, cast to the darkness until it consumed us. We give affection through pain. We fight over every scrap. And we can't stay away from each other." He nestles against my chest, feeling for my heartbeat. "We're entwined."

I yank him to his feet. "You don't need me. You want me. And sometimes I want you." My breath hitches. "But wanting doesn't mean you should. We're not good for each other. Never have been."

He chokes on his laughter, bitter and poisonous. "No one's good for each other, Mare. People lie to themselves in sweet delirium, their honeyed tongues shield against the acrid truth. We're honest with our darkness." His eyes glitter. "You can't fix me."

"I can fix myself."

"You can't." Maven clenches his fists. "You think I haven't tried? You think if I only wished harder, smiled sweeter, loved the right person, I'd be happy? There's no salvation for us monsters."

It hits me. "You like this."

"I--What?" His nails scrape against his arm, digging tighter, deeper, for a release he cannot find. "That's ridiculous."

"You like thinking of yourself as a monster. You want to believe there's no hope. If you're a monster, you never have to consider the morality of your actions. You never have to change." My fingers twitch. "Now that I think about it, it's actually quite tempting."

"Stop!" Blood draws from his nails, dripping to the floor. "Stop! Stop. Stop. Stop Stopstop. Please. I can't control it. Stop. Please stop. I--"