Lover's Curse (Red Queen Awards Winner)

Chapter Nineteen - An Eye for an Iris

My fingers pinch around the stem of a nearby flower, splitting in two with a satisfying crunch.  Droplets of sap trickle across my palm, but I don't mind.  Anything to feel dirty again.  Anything to be common.  Anything to scrub the poison away.

I drift towards the center of the garden, ears peeled for the gurgling fountain.  She's here, perched and dangerous on a stone bench, water thrashing across her palms in a violent dance.

"You're lost."  She won't look at me.

"I brought you something."  I present the iris, dewdrops glistening on cerulean petals.  "Granted, the gardeners did most of the work."

"Perhaps I was unclear."  Her hands ball to fists.  "Get lost."

"I'm sorry."  I slide onto the bench.  "About your father."

Iris sniffs.  "Please.  You're allied with the Scarlet Guard.  I'm lucky you're not celebrating with fireworks."

"I don't claim to love him."  I rest a hand on her forearm, and she tenses.  "But I know what it's like to lose a family member.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone."  I pause.  "Ptolemus, maybe.  I mean, would the world really be worse off without Evangeline?"

She places the flower on the bench.  "You've said your condolences.  Leave."

I don't move.

She fidgets.  "Why are you still here?"

"No idea."  I study the grass.  "All I know is that every day, you come here, you stare at the fountain, and then you leave.  But it never seems to make you feel better."

"That's not the point."

"Then why do it?"

"None of your business."  The fountain pulses.  "Don't you have a king to seduce?"

I snort.  "That's the last thing I wanna do right now, trust me."  The half-M flickers again, and the threat of tears with it.  "You know what he asked of me?"

"I don't care."

"Don't blame you."  I sniffle.  "Who am I kidding?  I asked him."

"If I wanted details, I'd listen outside your door."

"He wanted me to brand him."

She stills.

"Disturbing, isn't it?"  The words tumble out like a dam unleashed.  "I shouldn't have brought it up.  What's done is done."

Iris stares into the distance.  "That must have been cathartic."

"You'd think so.  But it wasn't."  Unbidden tears fall onto my lap.  "Sure, he's got a brand now.  But mine didn't disappear.  All I have is another terrible memory, and he--he--"  I squeeze my eyes shut.  "I don't know if he deserved it."

She scoffs.  "Of course he did."

"Why?"  My voice rises.  "What purpose did it serve?  He's not a better person now.  If anything, he's worse."

"How?"

"He thinks things are okay now.  That he's doing me a favor."  The words choke.  "If I only stay with him longer, use him as my outlet, hurt him as much as he's hurt me, I'll understand.  Life is pain: you can either wield it, or endure it.  And both of us have done our fair share."

"You're not him."

"I'm not."  I stare at the ground.  "Maybe I'll become something worse."

Her head tilts, not to showcase her muscular back, but to meet my eyes.  "What does this have to do with me?"

"You're in pain, aren't you?"

"I'm angry."

"Anger comes from pain."

She looks away, scowling.  "I have a right to be angry."

"So do I."  My fists ball.  "He was your father.  I'm sure he loved you very much.  But do you know how many of my people he's sent to die in corpse-rotted trenches?   How many children? Brothers?  Sisters?"  A hitch.  "Fathers?"

My sweat crystallizes to razor shards, a breath away from drawing blood.  "Are you saying he deserved it?"

"No.  I'm saying you don't have a monopoly on pain.  And that maybe, if you paid more attention, you'd have realized that.  And you wouldn't be sitting here doing nothing."  I sweep my arms.  "You'd be working to make a world with less of it."

The air glistens, thousands of droplets quivering with rage.  Her fists clench so hard they might shatter.

Iris meets my eyes.

Then she relaxes, tendrils curling into the fountain again.  "You're an interesting girl."

"I've led an interesting life."  I finger the consort rose emblazoned on my lapel, the red, purple, and silver.  "Wanna trade?"

She laughs.  "I'll let you handle him.  You seem pretty good at it."

Storm clouds brew in her eyes again, the first rain after a full season of drought.  When was the last time I made someone happy?  Heat floods my cheeks.  "I try my best."

Iris clasps my hand, and my heart roars in my chest like a clap of thunder.  "Thanks for the flower."  She lets go.  "Lightning Girl."

A/N: Next update is an intensity spike, so prepare yourself. Not quite as bad as chapter sixteen, but it's up there.