memories | yuzuru hanyu ff (on hold)

Chapter 4

'I should've known.'

I'm walking as fast as I can, holding my snacks, gripping it hard, trying to calm myself down. People coming from different directions; Cars honking, people chatting, kids crying, laughing, noise, noise, noise.

'Shit, shit, shit.'

I can't breathe. I turned to an alley where there was less people. I'm trying calm myself down but I can't.

'Rubber band!'

I looked down to my wrist to find none, and looked at other,

Nothing.

I started to panic, I need to snap out of this.

"I need to snap out of this."

I looked down to see my hands shaking, I try stopping them, it didn't work. I tried to remember what my therapist told me.

'What did she say? Shit.'

"Use a rubber band"

'Yeah, I don't have one.'

"Snap out of it..."

'It's there, come on.'

"SNAP OUT OF IT."

An echoing sound was heard throughout the alley way.

I snapped out of it.

A stinging sensation was felt on my cheeks, I winced in pain. I felt droplets of water on my hand, I looked up to check if it was raining.

It wasn't.

I checked again to notice that I was crying.

'Shit, why am I crying?'

I choked on my tears. I tried to stop it but I couldn't. I feel helpless, I don't like this. I hate this. I feel scared.

'Why am I like this?'

——————————————————————————————

I'm now at home, sitting on the floor of my room, just staring off to space.

'You're fine, aren't you? Yuzuru Hanyu?'

He's living his life, while I...

I'm still being an over dramatic 17 year old girl.

I rested my head against the wall and continued eating my snacks. The memories, coming in to my head like a blur, everything seems so fast. The memories of us laughing. The memories of him laughing.

Suddenly everything in the room started spinning. I feel like I'm about to throw up.

'Ah shit, my head hurts'

I stood up while holding on to the wall for support, and made my way downstairs to get some water.

I made it to the kitchen still feeling a bit nauseous and got myself a bottle of water. I drank it slowly, and looked at the time.