memories | yuzuru hanyu ff (on hold)

Chapter 38

I woke up. 

I had a nightmare and man was it really bad. 

I see white everywhere making me squint.

'My room's never this bright.' 

My eyes adjusted as I finally made out what was around me. I was laying on an unfamiliar bed. There was a cord connected through my vein to a bag filled with liquids. I shuffled but couldn't move that much as something was restricting me. I looked down and saw a person laying their head on me.  

Before I panicked, I looked to see who it was and saw an unexpected person. 

I jumped from shock but immediately regretted as I yelped. A sharp pain was felt under my rib area. I woke up the person, making him jump as well.

"Are you okay??" Yuzuru asked as his face was centimeters apart from mine.

'I swear to God, this man doesn't know personal space.'

I looked away from him and nodded. He probably noticed that he was too close as he backed up. He cleared his throat and sat down.

It was quiet after that. Both of us didn't utter a sound. I had so many questions.

'Why am I here? Why is he here? Does he know? Did he see? If he did, how much did he see?'

"Uhmm..." I started but didn't know what to say.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Yuzuru suddenly asked making me curse under my breath.

I kept quiet as I stared at the white floor.

'Wow, what an interesting floor.'

"Is it because of me? Was it because we broke up?" He asked, making me snap my head at him.

I looked into his eyes. They were glistening with tears. Falling one by one. Guilt shown all over his face making me caught off-guard.

Not once in my entire life has anyone felt guilty for what they've done and left behind.

'Not even my father, who I cherish more than anyone in this world.'

"Yuzuru...It's nothin-"

"Please! Natsuna, I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I was only thinking of myself that I didn't even notice you were in pain. That you are in pain." He was crying as he grabbed on to my hand.

I trembled as I bit my lip from crying. I didn't want to be read. To be opened. Especially from the person I want to save.

I don't want him to see me like this.  I don't want him to lose focus because of me. I don't want him to be sad because of me. 

Because I'm not worth to be cried on.

"I'm sorry Yuzuru, but it's hard... It's hard to be open." I smiled as tears started falling down.

He sobbed as he grabbed my hand tight. He kept apologizing countless of times. 

"It's not your fault, Yuzuru..." I stopped.

"...It's mine." I finished as I calmed him down.

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I ate the food that the hospital offered. Usually, I don't mind eating it but right now, I don't have the appetite to eat. Especially when the food doesn't look appetizing in the first place.

After the scene, Yuzuru left a few hours ago since he needed to train. He told me he'll come back as I told him not to worry. But knowing him, of course he won't listen.