memories | yuzuru hanyu ff (on hold)

Chapter 37.5

Brian stopped at my house first. I hopped out and thanked him. I went ahead as I heard the car move.

"Natsuna!" Someone shouted.

I looked back and saw Yuzuru, walking up to me as his luggage rolled beside him. I waited for him. He stopped in front of me, hovering over my head. He looked deep into my eyes, as I did the same.

"W-what do you need?" I stammered as I felt conscious.

"Well..." He whispered, not tearing his gaze from mine.

I nodded as I shifted my eyes away from him, not waiting for him to finish. I stepped back and rubbed my arm feeling cold. I shivered but brushed it off.

"Well, if you excuse me. See you tomorrow." I said as I bowed at him and quickly left.

But with Yuzuru's persistent attitude, it was impossible for me to leave that easily.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him like some cheesy drama. He engulfed me into his arms, making me inhale his scent immediately. It was a mixture of sweat and body spray which made me awfully dizzy. It felt like someone casted a spell on me, and that someone is Yuzuru Hanyu.

I pushed him away quickly feeling heat rise up to my face.

"W-what are you doin-" I got cut off as he pulled me back in to his arms.

There was a moment of silence as I stood there while his arms were wrapped around me. I looked at the winnie the pooh tissue box that was on top of his luggage, staring right at me.

"Do you hate me?" He whispered.

I stayed quiet.

"Please, Natsuna..." He begged.

I pushed him away slightly making his arms drop down slowly. I didn't look at his eyes as I kept my head down.

"Tell me." He said as he waited for my answer.

"Yuzuru-" I started but stopped as I thought what I was going to say.

He waited.

I didn't know what to do. It's either I get mad at him and give him a piece of my mind, tell him what I went through, or ignore my feelings and think that I'm just overreacting.

The second choice seems like me.

He patiently waited as he shoved his hands inside his pockets.

I couldn't say anything as I didn't have the courage to. I felt my knees go weak as I was overwhelmed.

Suddenly, I feel my heart being squeezed. My stomach twisting and my head spinning. Everything went dark and blurry making me hurl.

'Shit, why now?'

I felt myself stumble as I felt tears rushing to fall down. Yuzuru grabbed me to stable myself.

"A-are you okay?" He asked worriedly.

I nodded as I wanted to get out of their as soon as possible. This panic attack was severe. I ran away but the male caught me before I even got inside the gate of my home.

"Get away..." I muttered.

"Why?" He asked, still hugging me from behind.

By this time, I wanted to cry and scream. I wanted to tell him everything that happened to me when he left. I wanted to hurt myself so I can finally be out of this trance.

"Let go!" I screamed.

I pushed him away as I opened the gate. I rushed towards the door, fumbling through my bag to get the keys. I heard him shout my name. I quickly opened the door and slammed it shut. I removed my shoes. I saw two pairs of shoes beside mine.

My mom's and the stranger's. A male one you can say.

I heard them making dirty noises in my mom's bedroom. It pushed me to the limit. I dropped everything at the doorway and made my way upstairs with heavy steps.

I need to breathe.

I opened my door that lead to my room and closed it quietly.

I need to breathe.

I went inside the bathroom, slid the drawer open revealing my razor that I use for shaving.

I need to breathe.

I dismantle the object, leaving me with the blade on my hand as it was in between my fingers.

I need to breathe.

I unbuttoned my blouse, leaving me in my undergarments as I placed the sharp object near my rib area.

I need to breathe.

It tore through my skin as I felt a warm liquid trickle down my body.

I can breathe.

My knees became weak making me sit down on the cold tiles of the bathroom. I took a deep breath and made another cut. This time, I winced but kept going as I wanted to. The blood kept flowing as a pool of my own blood was on the floor.

I felt light-headed and it made me sleepy. I wanted to close my eyes but kept them open as I cherished this moments.

Before I passed out, I saw Yuzuru in front of me.

'How ironic. I say I don't want to see him yet here I am thinking about him when I'm losing this much blood.'

"How can I hate you?" I muttered as everything around me turned black.