memories | yuzuru hanyu ff (on hold)

Chapter 43

We were all laughing and eating around the table as Javi and Nam were bickering again.

The people from the club wanted to celebrate my so called freedom. The adults were against it at first until Yumi-san agreed on it. I was happy that they thought about me. I actually thought that they'd ignore me, which I was prepared for more than this. 

Everyone was having fun while I had slight uncomfortable feeling inside of me. Like something was missing. 

Of course, I didn't want to show any of negativity as I didn't want to worry people. 

I ate silently and smiled as the people around me were smiling as well.

I guess smiles really are contagious.

"Natsuna!" Nam shouted.

I whipped my head at the boy. I tilt my head to the side with confusion written on my face.

"Do you know who's idea was this?" He smiled widely as he wrap his arms around my neck, choking me.

"It was mine!" Nam shouted again, almost deafening me.

"Hey bro, get off her." Javi said as he shoved Nam to the side, making him pout.

They started to bicker again as the other skaters pulled them apart.

"It's Yuzuru's, Natsuna. Nam's just being an ass." Javi said as he rolled his eyes making Nam stick his tongue out.

I looked at Yuzuru as he sipped on his glass containing water. We both made eye contact making him choke on his water. He coughed out as his mother patted him on the back.

I heard Yumi-san scolding Yuzuru for his bad manners. I giggled and decided to thank him later. 

I heard a commotion behind me, making me whip my head to the back seeing Javi and Nam suddenly dancing flamenco with each other. We all burst out in laughter, ending the dinner there.

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We all left the restaurant, saying our farewell and went on our different directions.

I went along with Yuzuru and Yumi-san as they were dropping me.

"Is it really okay for you guys to drop me off, Yumi-san?" I asked worriedly as it was the opposite side of where they were heading.

"Natsuna, it's okay! I have to take care of you remember? I'm not your neighbor anymore, we're family now." She smiled warmly, making me bow to her and Yuzuru.

She started walking to the parking as me and Yuzuru followed behind.

"Thank you..." I muttered, blushing slightly.

For some reason, I felt awfully shy around him now. Maybe it was because I fell on top of him earlier.

'Ah, that was so embarrassing'

I wanted to hide and never come back right on my spot. Like if I shape-shift into any animal right now, it would be a mole so I can hide underground.

I shook my head mentally and focused on what's happening now.

"For what?" He asked looking at me, making me feel smaller than I already am.

"F-for the celebration..." I stuttered.

He chuckled lowly making me look up.

"Of course! We're a 'family', remember?" He said indicating on the word family. He eye-smiled, as he patted my head.

That word. 

'Family...'

For some reason, I didn't like it when it's coming from him, but I just smiled and continued walking.

It was as if someone punched me in the gut.

It was silent after that. I thought it'd be comfortable silence but it wasn't the case. It was awkward. I glanced at Yuzuru, examining his expression. 

He looked frustrated. Even if it wasn't shown on his face, his eyes weren't calm nor happy. It was as if he was annoyed but he was good at not showing such emotion. Made me wonder how he's so good keeping a straight face from time to time.

 I looked back down and bit my lip as I fiddled with my fingers.

'I guess I'm not the only one who doesn't like that word.' 

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I bowed to Yumi-san and Yuzuru as they left from my apartment building. 

I went up towards the elevator and press the floor where I was designated in.

I got out and fished my keys out of my purse and unlocked the door. I went inside and locked the door. I took my shoes off and replaced them with home slippers. I opened the lights and was greeted by mountains of boxes.

I looked at the time showing that it wasn't too late for me to start unpacking stuff. I decided to start out with clothes and fold them to put inside the closet. I also pulled out the laundry basket as it was inside the same box.

I sat on the floor and pulled out a bunch of clothes out and started my mission.

After a few minutes, I got bored and decided to watch something from my phone. 

My old phone was broken but I got it fixed thanks to one of the skaters as they knew someone who could fix it for a cheaper price. Of course, it was a bit sketchy but I did it anyways.

'Yolo.'

I brought my phone inside and watched some studio ghibli movies as I folded the infinite amount of clothes.

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After 3 movies, I finally finished putting all clothes away as well as the kitchen utensils that Yumi-san gave to me. The only things left are the books and some pictures that I took secretly without anyone knowing.

They told me not take any pictures that reminded me of the past. It was too traumatic they said but here I am, being the stubborn little me, grabbing the only family picture I had. All the other ones was left in Japan in our old house, probably with my dad or thrown away.

The picture was taken when I was around 6 years old, when everything was still intact. 

I looked at my father, standing tall and proud. My mother sitting down, looking calm and beautiful. I was standing next to her, small and innocent. We looked happy.

We were happy.

Now they're both gone. It feels empty. 

I looked up from the picture and looked around me. It looked empty as well. I remember our first day, me and my mother came to Canada. It was fine. She was fine. She changed.

Or at least I thought she did.

A burning pain shot through my chest as tears build up to fall. 

Something that I've been hiding for a long time.

I clutched my shirt, trying to fight the tears but failed. I cried hard as I felt like everything was taken from me. 

My parents. The two people that were supposed to be by my side right now. Comforting me, unpacking with me, driving with me, eating dinner with me, being with me but no. All I get is they're selfish desires that pained me and traumatized me.

But I'm thankful. They made me stronger. Wiser. I met new people, had an amazing opportunity to work, and better yet, to unlearn all of the hatred that has built over the time.

I wiped my tears and took a deep breath. I kissed the pictures and placed it next to my air mattress as I continued unpacking while sniffles were heard in the room along with some studio ghibli movie running in the back.