It'll Never Be The Same

Visitation and Conversation

** I don't have much knowledge on rehab facilities, so most of this will be as if Spencer was in a mental hospital. If you have any suggestions or ideas on how to make this any better feel free to message me or comment and let me know.**

Reid's POV

**Week 2 at the hospital**

Morgan has been coming to see me for about a week now. We hang out for about an hour and just talk. It's been really great. I love seeing him so much. It's really been helping in my recovery. I just hope that I will be able to see the rest of the team soon. I miss them so much and would really like to see them again.

"Spencer, you have a visitor." I smile at the nurse at the door nodding my head. I follow to the visitation center and sit at my table.

"Hey pretty boy." I hear behind me. I stand to meet Derek, pulling him into a tight hug. I take a deep breath in and let it out in shaky breath trying not to break. "Aw, baby, what is it? What's wrong?" He whispered in my ear stroking my hair. I took another deep breath in and pulled away from him. Tears forming in my eyes.

"It's been a year. Today marks a year and I have been fighting the urge to use or to hurt myself today and it's just been really hard today." I replied looking down at my hands, picking at my nails. He pulled my hand into his and held it tightly sitting us down at the table.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. I don't know if I'm ready to talk about what happened. You know it was terrifying being out there with him, but I can't hate Tobias. It's weird, I just don't understand it. I want to blame him for everything he did and for everything that is going on now, but I just can't bring myself to do that."

"I get that. Tobias was the one that helped you, you could even say that he protected you. He didn't know what was happening. After all it was the alter of his father and Raphael that hurt you, so I could see you not being mad or wanting to blame Tobias. You don't have to talk about it right now. But I hope you will soon. Keeping ahold of these memories and not letting them out will only hold you back. I'm here when you are ready." He smiled at me holding my hand tighter. I just nodded and changed the subject.

"Do you know when or if the rest of the team is gonna come visit me?" I asked wiping away the tears left in my eyes.

"Hotch and Rossi said they will try next week. I know Garcia wants to come when ever you want her to, and JJ and Emily said they will come soon, but they aren't sure when. I know they all miss you and want to see you, but it's kind of difficult to see you where you are. But they will come I promise." I just nodded and we continued to talk for the rest of visitation, kissing me before we went separate ways.

**Week 3 at the hospital**

"Spencer, visitor." My nurse called for me. I nodded and followed her down to visitation. I sat with my back to the wall and facing the door so I could see who was coming to see me. I smiled when I saw it was Hotch. I stood to meet him and he pulled me into a tight hug. One of the few times he has hugged me. Pulling away he smiled and motioned for us to sit at the table.

"You look good Reid. How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. Not gonna lie, it's been really good being here."

"I'm really glad that you are doing better. I wanted to talk to you about you coming back to work, if that's okay with you?" I nodded so he continued. "I would like for you to come back after you get out. It wouldn't be right away. You would have to complete a reevaluation and some other things if you are to come back, so it wouldn't be for about 2 to 3 weeks before you are reinstated. The team would love to have you back, but it is up to you and you don't have to make a decision today if you don't want to. If you are to come back, the director will want you to be on probation and mostly desk duty as to not put to much on you right when you get out. Reid, we miss you though. I miss you. I am so proud of you. I am so proud that you choose to get help and not fall victim to your addiction. I know this is hard for you but I believe that you cant do this. I believe that you can fight this. I just want you to promise me one thing. You will go a long time feeling good, feeling great, but then you will have a bad day, you will feel lost and in pain, promise me that you will come to me. Even if you don't come back to this team. Even if you choose to leave we are still you family, so promise me you will find me when you have a dark day. And if not me, somebody else. One of us, cause we believe in you Reid. We believe and we love you deeply. I just want you to remember you have a family here with you through everything." I said tearing up at the end. It's not often I see Hotch emotional so it hurt to see it.