It'll Never Be The Same

Will This help

Reid POV

"Aright, Dr. Reid, right this way." I looked up to the girl calling my name. She gave me a small smile and waved me through the door she was guarding.

I looked back once more at JJ and Garcia giving a weak smile, slowly making my way through the door.

"Hi, I'm Lex. I will be your intake nurse. Right this way Dr. Reid." Lex introduced herself leading me into a small room with a table and two chairs. I sat on one side furthest away from the door, and she sat herself on the other side of the table. Lex pulls out a folder full of paperwork for me to fill out. She hands me a pen and excuses her self to get vitals done.

I sat alone in this cold empty room. The paintings on the walls felt welcoming yet so cold. Fake welcoming and fake warm. I have never felt more alone in my life than now. I had no one and nothing. Everything was falling apart and nothing has felt okay in a long time. I know I have let down my team and my friends but I don't know if I can do this. I don't want help I just want my Dilaudid. I just want my escape.

I began to get up to leave and as I was walking out of my room, Lex rounded the corner.

"Spencer, where are you heading?" She questioned me.

"I don't need to be here. I made a huge mistake and I need to leave."

"I'm sorry Spencer. I know this can be scary. I know that this can be hard, but you're making the first step into recovery. It is important to take this first step."

"No Lex, I don't need recovery. I don't need help. I'm fine, I'm okay. I just need to go home and get some rest. This was a mistake. I'm not an addict. I can stop at any time and I don't need any help."

"Spencer. I know you feel fine right now. But what about when you go home and run out of your drugs? What about when you decide to move onto a different drug? What about when you need your next fix and can't get it? What if the next time you go to far and you overdose? Spencer you need help, that is why you brought yourself here today." Lex sadly smiled at me.

I look down at the ground not saying a word. I don't want this, but I know if I don't I will never get my job back. I know I need to get back to work and get back to my team. I guess I can't do this alone. I guess this is the place I need to be. I turn around and walked back into my room while Lex followed with her vital sign machines.

"Alright Reid, can I call you Reid?" Lex asked.

"Yeah, that's fine." I answered.

"Alright. Lets get stared. I'm going to take your vitals while you finish the paperwork on the table." Lex pointed to the table. I sighed and picked up the pen and started to fill out the paperwork.

After what felt like forever, Lex picked up the paperwork and led me out of the room. We walked down the hall in silence and into yet another waiting room. I sat there in that room with 2 other people who looked so sick. I frowned at the thought of me looking like that. I looked around the room taking in my surroundings. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in one of the paintings on the wall. I gasped at the sight. I look just like the others in this room. I am sick and pale and I look terrible.

I felt the need to cry but I couldn't looks so weak in front of anyone. I can't break down, I can't fall apart. I just can't.

"Spencer Reid?" I hear a man call out. I looked up to be meet with another nurse. "Hi I'm nurse Andrew. I will be your nurse here in detox." I stood up and followed him back and into a different room.

"This will be your room for the next week while going through detox. You will have nurses around the clock to help you through this detox. It will be hard and scary at points but you can make it through. This will be the hardest part of this recovery." Andrew explained smiling at me.

"Right now there are scrubs on your bed. We will need you to put them on and leave your cloths and shoes by your door after you are done. Please give a urine sample and leave it in the bathroom when your done. I'll be back in 10 minutes to take blood and ask a few questions. If you are finished before those 10 minutes please leave open your door." Andrew stated and walked out.

I sighed and got dresses in the scrubs that were left on my bed. I left the cloths that I were wearing by the door along with my shoes. I made my way into the bathroom to give my urine sample. I look at myself in the mirror and finally let my tears fall. I never felt so alone in my life. I look terrible, I feel terrible, and I hurt so bad. I give my urine sample and leave it on the counter. After I was done I opened my door and sat on my bed. I felt cold and empty. Like nothing mattered anymore.

"Spencer?" I look up and nodded at nurse Andrew.

"Lets get started. I have a few questions and I need to take some blood." Andrew explained pulling out a needle draw some blood. After he finished doing that he quickly dropped off my bloods and came back to ask questions.

"So, how long have you been using Dilaudid?"

"For a couple of months now. I'm not really sure."

"Okay a few more questions." Andrew continued for about 15 minutes. After he finished the questions Andrew left and I lied down and was left to my thoughts. I sighed and started to fall asleep before I was pulled from my thoughts from a voice next to me. A doctor walked in and handed me a package leaving me once again. I ended up falling asleep while reading about my stay at rehab. I'm not sure I can do this.