It'll Never Be The Same

Convince me to stay

Reid's POV.

I sit alone in the conference room and began to cry. Derek broke me. Everything he said. Why would he do that? Why did he say that?

The case was over and the team were on their way back. I promised Garcia I would stay until they came back. That is why I'm in this room alone. Crying. I couldn't help but to think about all the bad things that have happened to me. From the time I was tied, naked, to a flag poll, to when I was assaulted by a boy in my high school class. From the time that same boy and his friends cornered me in the bathroom and beat the shit out of me, claiming I tried to make advances to him, to the teacher that found me in the bathroom trying to kill myself. I will never forget what happened. I think about the time I ran home crying because the guys wouldn't leave me alone and my mom didn't even notice. I remember when I joined the FBI academy, I couldn't pass the physical requirements, but they loved my brains. Everyone in my class laughed at me. Made me feel bad, even after graduating the academy. I sit thinking about when I first joined the team. No one really liked me. I was the youngest and the smartest. It took a stab at their fragile masculinity. I think about the first time I was shot and the time I was kidnapped. I think about it all.

I'm pulled from my thoughts as Garcia walks in with a cup of tea in hand. I look up at her with my tear soaked cheeks. She gave a small smile and sat next to me, handing me the cup of tea.

"Thanks" I muttered out.

"Anything for you genius boy" she gave my thigh a small squeezed.  "What can I do to help?" She asked me.

"Nothing."

"Are you going to stay on the team?" She questioned, worried.

"I don't know. I don't know..." I sighed. She just nods her head and walks out to clean up her office. I sit there looking over the case and debating on staying.

I hear the voices of the team. I sigh and stand up from the table. I see that Garcia is already talking to the team and they all look up at me. I can tell that was about me. Probably about wanting to leave the team. I decide not to leave the room in fear of being yelled at.

I hear a knock on the door and look up to see it's JJ and Emily at the door. I motioned them to come in.

"Hey Spence" JJ whispered. I waved at her as she continued talking. "You know Morgan didn't mean to hurt you. He didn't mean to say that to you. I'm so sorry he did. I'm sorry he was an ass to you. But we both love you. We want you here. You are a great part of our team and we don't want you to leave. Please stay." JJ cried out and Emily comforted her.

"She's right. We want you here Spencer. We want you with us. We love you Spence." Emily said. I just nodded as they left.

Giddion was next. He sat next to me and put his hand on my knee gently patting it. He looked at me.

"Stay. I know you think non of us want you, but we do. Reid I see myself in you. I see the unsure, scared, but absolutely amazing and wonderful agent in you. Reid, you are so bright. You are amazing and we can't lose you. Please, I beg of you to stay." He rambled out. Again I was silent and refused to talk. He sighed and walked out. I look up to see him shake his head. The whole team looks sad and I see Hotch get up and make his way up to me. 

Hotch closed the door and drew the blinds most of the way so the rest of the team could hardly see. He turns around and looks at me. I could see he was sad. I could see pain in his eyes. I could see that I was hurting him. I felt tears slowly fall down my face.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered.

Hotch sits down next to me, "Don't apologize Reid. Please don't."

I look down so I didn't see him. I didn't want do see how much I was hurting him. I don't know why but he was the one getting to me the most. I allow myself to cry as I look up at him. He pulled me into a hug and I can hear sniffles coming from him. I pull away to look at him confused.

"Yes, I'm crying Reid. I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to feel like this team is better off with out you. I'm telling you, this team will fail with out you. We would never be able to run without you. You are the glue of this team. Everyone loves you. Even though Morgan was a dick to you, he still loves you. And don't think for a second he'll get away with treating you like that. I'm here for you. Reid, your like the little brother I always wanted. You share the best facts ever. It's amazing to hear you talk about the things you love. I can't stop you from leaving, but I can beg you to stay." Hotch continues to cry. I see him clean the tears off his face. "I'm going to leave you to think" he walks out through the door in the conference room so the team didn't see him.

I sit there and start to think. I've never seen Hotch cry. I've never heard him talk like that. I've never seen him show so much emotion. We all make fun of him, saying he doesn't have any emotions. It's crazy to see that from him.

After what felt like forever, I walk out of the conference room and make my way to Hotch's office. It was very late so everyone went home.

"Come in" Hotch said as I knocked on the door.

"Hey it's me" Hotch looks up and smiles at me motioning me to sit down.

"What's the decision?" He asked. I look at him and sigh. I could see the sadness in his eyes. "I understand. Just don't forget to turn in your badge and gun, and say bye to the rest of the team tomorrow." Hotch sighed. I laughed at him and he looked at me confused.

"I'm staying, thank you for what you said to me. I needed that." I said. Hotch got up and hugged me.

"Okay, go home and get some rest now. I'll see you tomorrow."

And that was it. I was staying.