17. Bitter, Hold the Sweet

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I sink into the plush couch beside Maddie and rest my head on her shoulder. She's chatting with Natalie, an Instagram model from Chicago who I haven't really talked to all that much.

The whole Enlisted living situation is strange. Despite staying with them in the villa for over two weeks now, there are a few women I haven't gotten to know yet. Although I've heard all about Lila from poor Oliver, I don't think we've ever had a one-on-one conversation.

There's also Kylie, who I don't think has spoken to anyone. She spends all her time in the gym or on the beach doing yoga. I really don't know how she's still here. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure she's a great person, and she's definitely beautiful, but I haven't seen her interacting with anyone, and considering this is a dating show, interaction is pretty much mandatory to make it to the next week.

"Feeling torn?" Natalie asks sympathetically.

"Kind of," I groan.

"I hate list night," she sighs. "I want to put Hunter first, but he's such an effing gentleman. It drives me crazy."

"Is that a bad thing?" I laugh.

"Not at first, but when you've been hanging out for two weeks and he won't do anything past kissing, it's like, come on, you know?"

"Have you tried?" Maddie asks.

"Yup. He keeps saying he respects me and wants to take it slow," she huffs.

"Ew," Maddie sympathizes.

"List time!" Sarah hollers. I hadn't even noticed her walk in. "You have fifteen minutes. We'll meet at the cabana in an hour. Sound good? Great. Get to it."

I avoided Max and Elijah all day yesterday and today, saying that I was tired with a headache. After my heart-to-heart with Max on Wednesday, I could barely think.

But then, that night, I walked into the turquoise villa to see Maddie, Levi, Oliver, Serena, and Elijah hanging out, chatting and ignoring the comedy movie playing in the background. I sat down between Maddie and Elijah, and I just felt at ease. Maybe our connection wasn't as instant as the one I have with Max, but it's there.

Tonight, we're only putting down two names. That part is easy. The ranking is the hard part.

I sit on the stairs in the spot where Maddie, Noelle, and I wrote our first lists. I miss Noelle. A lot. I need to talk this situation out with my best friend. Maddie is great, and she helped me make a pros and cons list last night, but Noelle knows everything about me. She knows about my past, my quirks, the ins and outs of my personality. She'd know who to choose.

I should probably get used to solving my problems without her, though.

"Five minutes!" Sarah yells.

I squeeze my eyes shut, take a deep breath, and write 'Max', then 'Elijah'. In that order.

 In that order

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