Lesson Learned✔

7

Aspen

There was an aching feeling in my heart, in the pit of my stomach as Elijah drove to Lilith's house. I had seen the anger in his eyes, the jealousy in them. The mix of emotions that made my heart flip and made me feel an edge.

It was unsettling, wrecking every nerve in my body. There was a lingering anger in me, at the tone of his voice. Not once had he snapped at me and that alone had made me rethink many things.

I knew Chris wasn't controlling, but that second he was a different man. Jealousy had taken over him, blinding him of my sincere words. I had felt a thrilling sensation at first when he told me he was jealous, but now? Now it felt too much, it felt like he didn't trust me.

Not once had I given him a reason to doubt my word. I'd been straightforward with him, I'd been honest. I had told him what was on my mind. He had told me he trusted me, but it didn't feel that way.

Everything had shifted in the last few weeks. Was still shifting. He'd said he didn't want me to go with a guy that may want me, but I didn't see the issue there. Elijah and I were just friends and not once had he made any advance towards me. It wasn't as if I hadn't felt the same several times.

Chris was a catch. I'd seen the way women would look at him, and could still remember the way Dr. Nydia had looked at him. I knew the feeling well enough, but I trusted him enough to know he wouldn't cheat on me. As he should do the same, trust me. To me there was no man compared to him, then again there wasn't much for me to compare with. Not that I minded, not that I cared.

Chris himself had said to do what I pleased and what I wanted to do was go to the party. I had made a promise and promises were golden. And all honesty, I was looking forward to being in a normal teenage setting. I was looking forward to seeing all I'd seen in movies in real life, to touch that truth.

I had spent years following rules, obeying but I was no longer that girl. Even if I loved Chris, even if I'd do anything to make him happy. To give him control over me didn't sit well with me. I was a free person, my own person that was slowly figuring itself out.

I was confused, rattled deeply.

"Your boyfriend is something else," Elijah broke the silence, snapping me out of gazing through the car window.

I grimaced, I wanted to apologize for his behavior. But I couldn't, it wasn't in my place to do that. Even if he was my boyfriend. "I don't know what's wrong with him," I lied.

I definitely knew what went through that head of his. Knew that even if he said he trusted me, there was wariness in him. But it shouldn't be, he needed to trust me.

"Well I do," he shrugged, making my head jerk in his direction. Brows furrowed, my hands pulling on the dress, "You do?"

Elijah nodded, his hand turning the wheel. "I'm not going to tell you that what you're wearing is wrong. I mean it's your life, your body-" he stuttered, dipping his chin- "But if you were my girlfriend," he empathized girlfriend. "I really wouldn't let you go out like that. Or I would, but I'd be like a leech."

A leech.

I thought about it for a minute, gathering my thoughts. "But he has nothing to worry about. I love him," I murmured.

Elijah slowed down as we reached Lilith street, parking his car on the second to last house on the block. "I don't doubt it. But many times, men don't really grasp the concept of loyalty on a woman's part."

I stayed silent, the music low as we waited for Lilith to come out. "I'll be completely blunt with you," a pause, the song changing, "But it's normal. He's an adult, like what 30? 40? And you're going to a party with me, where there are many boys your age. It's natural to feel an uneasiness. I'm not justifying his behavior. But it is what it is," he shrugged.