Lesson Learned✔

17

Aspen

The air left my lung, my body stilling at his words. My heart a rapid movement in my chest, squeezing and thumping quickly.

Marry me? 

I had to bite my tongue, a bitter taste on the tip to fight back my answer. Yes. 

What more could I want? What more should I wish for? 

Yes. Yes. Yes. 

It had been a rash decision to do this, to leave him. But after Nydias words... I couldn't risk getting my heart broken. I knew I'd break his, God I was breaking his heart by wanting to leave him. But I had to think about my baby, I had to think about the future I knew was wrong. A future that was blurry and non existent if Chris wasn't with me. 

Nydias words had cut through me. Had made my decision an aching one, something I didn't want to do but had to. 

It had been a pain to say all those lies. The words bitter against my tongue, burning as I spat them out. All a lie and all I wanted was him. All I needed was him, but Nydia...

He couldn't mean them, he didn't want to marry me. Yet I turned around, gasping as I saw him on one knee. Pinched between his fingers lay a simple diamond ring, my knees shaking at the sight. Flickering my eyes to him, I saw the desperation and love that shone in them. 

My heart broke anyways, seeing his face. Those grey eyes I had spiraled into, gotten lost and found my way in glazed over with tears. Heart shattering because I didn't want to leave him, I wanted it all with him. 

My hands shook, body shaking with the need to say it all. To confess my sin to him, to tell him I meant nothing. That the age was nothing but a fluke, that for all I cared I could burn in hell as long as he was with me. 

My face broke, my legs giving underneath me. Marry me? 

Fuck yes. 

My head fell to my hands, tears that had pooled in my eyes falling. Streaming down my face, remembering her words. The lies that I believed, that had cleaved my heart and almost made me turn my back on him. 

He had a ring. He would have proposed soon. Yet I believed her, I listened to her. I was stupid, to have said all those lies solely because of her. 

He doesn't want kids. He will leave you when he finds out about it. Or ask you to abort it. 

Her words had sent me gasping and gripping my stomach, Chris could not ask that of me. I loved this baby so much even if he or she wasn't born yet. I wouldn't let Chris tell me what to do with it, not as it was my body. And if he wouldn't stay, I'd find a way to live with my baby, away from him. 

In high school he had a girlfriend. She got pregnant and he asked her to abort it. She did it only because he gave her the money. 

His past was a fuzzy colour to me. I knew he had one, didn't hold it against him. But to do that? He was a doctor. He shouldn't have said that to her, no matter if they were young. Nydia was wrong. She was wrong. Chris was asking me to marry him, to stay with him. And God did I want to say yes. 

He will do the same. He says he loves you, but enough to stay with you? To take care of the baby? Leave him without telling him about the baby. Go away and let him go. It's for your best interest. If you want the kid. You will live better that way. 

Her words had taken its toll. I would have fought him for the baby. I would have fought for him to love him or her. I wanted to fight but he had said years, not months.