Lesson Learned✔

27

This is what happens after Aspen left...

Christian

I clamped down my emotions as I watched the love of my life leave, resisting the urge to go after her, to pull her into my arms and bury my face in her neck. To cradle her and slide my lips against hers, to apologize and repent my sins against her lips. 

I wanted to, God I fucking needed to touch her, to check if she was fine, to reassure the knots of emotions in my stomach. 

But I didn't, I didn't go after her, I didn't even move until I felt Nydia pull me into her, her hands running up my chest, curling around my shoulders, my body stiffening at her touch.

I fucking loathed her, hated myself for what I was about to do. I knew that what I would do would end it all but it would hurt, then again what Nydia could do would destroy me and I rather live with guilt than live without Aspen.

But it still didn't make things any easier, didn't make me feel at ease. 

I had seen hope in Aspen's eyes, the devastation as she noticed Nydia, the hurt, the pain with each word I threw at her and I died a little saying them. I crumbled inside and hated myself for not being good enough, for letting it all come to this, for not protecting her as I should have.

"You will learn to love me," Nydia whispered, her lips inches away from mine, hope flaring in her eyes. 

No I wouldn't. I wouldn't ever love someone the way I loved Aspen. I vowed that, never ever. 

"We will live happily." 

I wanted to laugh at her, Aspen was my happiness, there would be no joyous moments if she wasn't in my life. Aspen was everything I didn't know I needed. 

"I will give you a child." I cringed at her, at her words. I was already expecting two with my love, I didn't want another one, not unless it was with Aspen.

"You and I will-" she inched closer to me, my neck craning, I didn't want to kiss her again, I already hated myself enough. It had been a sour filled kiss, repulsive and sickening. 

"You and I will be late for our wedding if we don't leave," I gritted out, stepping away from her. Evading her lips, stopping her from touching me any further. 

Her eyes went wide, panic seeping into them. "Oh right. Right. Good lord." She stepped away, smoothing out her dress, my jaw tightening at the sight.

I was still reeling in the fact that she stood before me in a dress, that she wore it without knowing that I would accept. Then again, I wouldn't refuse because Aspen was in the middle of this and I'd do anything for her but still it didn't make things look any less strange.

I had seen many women in white dresses, could still remember that pretty white dress Aspen wore one day to school but the difference was that this was a wedding dress and I had thought the only woman I'd see in that would be Aspen. I knew for a fact Aspen would pull it off, that she'd glow in any dress she wore but seeing this on Nydia? 

I had never seen such a horrendous sight. 

"Let's go. Wouldn't want to be late." She giggled taking my hand but I pulled away from her grasp, turning to walk to the door. 

"Christian," she warned as I crossed the door. 

"Christian what?-" I snapped, turning around- "She's gone. She hates me." My voice cracked because she did and if she didn't, she would. I hated her, I fucking hated her. 

"You said marry only that. The rest? Loving you? Sleeping with you? That will never happen. I will never touch you. I won't even sleep in the same house as you." I'd commit a crime and spend my time in jail if meant staying away from you.