The Unseen

Chapter 7 - Who I Am

Everything Obi-Wan had ever told himself about Vader is gone. In its place is one solid truth: no matter what he says, he has always been Anakin Skywalker. It wasn't Darth Vader that Obi-Wan had fought and left to die. It had been his brother. His son. His best friend. His apprentice. And he doesn't know how to deal with any of it. His mind has completely shut down, and he feels numb – hollow – inside.

Anakin tilts his head as though he's not intentionally reliving – sharing – a memory with them. He watches the scene with disinterest, though it's obvious from his face that there's something immensely personal about it. Obi-Wan knows him well enough to see the lines of tension on his face. His posture is screaming that he's feeling vulnerable, but for whatever reason, he's choosing to show them anyways, and Obi-Wan doesn't like it.

"This is most displeasing, Lord Vader," Sidious hums, completely relaxed as he sits on his – is that seriously a throne? "I had hoped you would deliver a better report to me. Do you have any idea how much damage these rebel groups are causing to our Empire?" He spreads out his arms. "And yet, you insist on being as foolishly reckless as always, rushing headlong into battle. You could have died."

That would have been better. Obi-Wan can hear the resentful thought, though Vader doesn't move from where he kneels on the floor. "Or is that what you wish?" Sidious cocks his head to the side, a satisfied smirk on his face. "It is truly beneath you to wallow in your misery. Use it. Convert it to anger to hatred to power." The stifling emotions of resentment swell up, though they are muffled – Vader is clearly keeping them restrained.

"I do not want any excuses," warns Sidious, voice unusually pleasant. "You will hunt down and eliminate the rebels. I don't care what you have to do to achieve that goal."

"As you wish, Master," Vader replies, keeping his head bowed.

"And you had better succeed," Sidious adds, "I tire of the continual repairs your armor undergoes, and it is all for naught if you do not accomplish the goals."

Obi-Wan can feel the burning anger slowly overshadow the resignation he'd felt before. "I have received information that a surviving Jedi seeks to go to Malachor in search of ancient Sith secrets to use against the Empire." Vader's voice is steady, but there's something off about what he's saying.

Sidious regards him silently for a moment. "I have heard nothing of it," he muses, "But I very much doubt that you would lie to me." There's something so satisfied in the way he says it, almost as though he knows something.

Vader twitches but otherwise doesn't respond. Sidious extends his hands, Force lightning shooting towards his apprentice, sending Vader slamming backwards into a wall. Obi-Wan can feel the pain ripping through his body, but the cyborg doesn't scream. He'll stop soon enough. You know the routine by now, Vader. The thought makes him wonder how common occurrences like this were.

It lets up after several seconds, though it takes Vader nearly a minute to pull himself to his feet. "You may go to Malachor, but when you return, I will learn why you went," Sidious hisses, turning his back on Vader.

The memory fades, and their surroundings return to the monotonous gray they had been previously. Anakin is watching him and Ahsoka with a strangely distant look in his eyes, almost as though he's trying to puzzle something out. That's when it clicks. That was the last time Vader talked to Sidious because he found the relic on Malachor. He doesn't know why he thinks that – it's probably a fact shared because he's still in Anakin's mind.

For a moment, Obi-Wan thinks that Anakin might say something, but he turns away the scene rippling back to his paradise world. He seems to be intent on ignoring them as he strolls across the grass outside the house. It's dark out now, but the stars give enough light to see. "Ani," Padme's voice breaks the stillness of the night. "Are you alright?" She walks towards him, hair flowing loose making her resemble an ethereal being.

Anakin turns towards her, eyes raking across her features. "Angel," he breathes, stepping towards her. He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close and burying his head in her hair. Obi-Wan shifts and looks away, feeling as though he's intruding on a private scene.

"What is it?" she whispers, running a hand on his back soothingly.

"Everything," he mumbles into her shoulder. Obi-Wan takes a step back, trying not to watch, but he still manages to hear the conversation. It's probably a side effect of the interaction occurring in Anakin's mind. It's comparable to hearing his thoughts. "I don't know what to do anymore. I can't deal with this anymore, but I'm being held back." He chokes on a sob, shoulders shaking as he finally breaks down. "I just want to let go."

Padme hugs him, murmuring reassurances and calming words until he finally calms down. "Ani, I love you, but –" she hesitates, stepping back and staring up into his blue eyes. "You cannot stay here. You're only getting worse. If you weren't being attacked, I wouldn't even suggest it, but I can't let you stay when it's torturing you."

"Leaving would be even worse torture," he tells her, fingers absently running through her hair as he stares into her eyes. "I can't leave you."

She smiles, soft but sad. "I'll always be with you, Ani. You know that." She rests a hand on his chest gently, never looking away from him. "I hate seeing you in so much pain, and you know deep inside of you that you'll never heal here. Go. Leave. Our children are out there. You belong with them."

He shudders, stepping closer to her, silent tears running down his cheeks. Obi-Wan swallows, desperately yearning for the times when he could offer Anakin the comfort that he needed. Ahsoka gives him a sideways glance, expression betraying her sadness, as she inhales shakily. They had come here to bring Anakin back, but now, things have become so much more complex.

It's as though they don't exist. Anakin rests his forehead against Padme's, obviously fighting with himself. That's what the entire conversation is. Anakin's subconsciousness isn't only creating Padme as she would have acted; it's also expressing what Anakin knows deep inside of himself. "If I go, what then?" he asks – beseeches, really.

She touches his face gently with upmost fondness. "What does your heart tell you?"

"No, I – I –" He knows something, but whatever it is, is not something he wishes to accept. He shakes his head again, before kissing her. "I love you, Angel," he whispers, sounding like he's saying goodbye.

"I love you too, Ani," she murmurs in reply, staring up into his eyes. He steps back, posture radiating his desire to hold onto her and never let go, but instead, he backs away from her, never dropping her gaze.

"You need to do this," she encourages, "You know you do, and I see in your heart that you love them. You should." She pauses, nodding slightly. "Now go."

He somehow manages to look resentful and heartbroken at once when he reaches out to the Force. It ripples around them, and Obi-Wan barely has a chance to register that Anakin is throwing them out of his mind as he pulls himself back to consciousness before Obi-Wan's falling.

***

Vader. Anakin. He doesn't really know what to call himself anymore. He's not a Sith Lord, but he's not even remotely close to a Jedi, either. It probably doesn't matter. There was a time when being Anakin didn't mean being a Jedi. Consciousness returns slowly. It comes first in the faint sense of lying on something. He blinks his eyes open, looking up at the ceiling as his senses return in full when he feels the Force signatures belonging to Obi-Wan and Ahsoka right next to him. He has no idea how they got in, but they shouldn't be here.

He doesn't even think. He just acts. Pulling out his lightsaber, Vader ignites it as he lunges towards the nearest person. Obi-Wan's blue blade meets his two inches before he would have taken off the other man's head. Snarling, he pulls it back, lunging forward for a second attack.

"Anakin, stop! I don't want to fight you," Obi-Wan pleads. "I'm not going to leave you ever again." He blocks the next strike and the one after that, but he doesn't take the initiative to attack first, even when Vader steps back, breathing hard, yellow eyes molten with rage.

Across the room, Vader senses Ahsoka is conscious and on alert. She too doesn't try to attack him. He's awake now. It doesn't matter if he dies or if they kill him. They should. There's nothing to keep him alive for. Not anymore.