The Dance We Shared

14

When they get back to their hotel room at the four seasons in New York, Lindsey slammed the hotel room door and Stevie jumped about a mile in the air.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE TOURING!" 

"Exactly that, I'm going on tour. My label is requiring me to fulfill a touring contract to go along with this boxed set. If I don' they could sue me." Stevie states.

"STEVE YOU ARE A HIGH-RISK PREGNANCY, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD TO MAKE THIS SEEM LIKE A GOOD IDEA!" 

"I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA, BUT I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE. I TRIED TO GET OUT OF IT, TRUST ME I DID, BUT I COUDLN'T IT'S BOOKED. WE'RE LUCKY THEY'RE GIVING ME OFF WHEN THEY ARE SO I DON'T GO INTO LABOR ON STAGE." 

"IF THE BABY EVEN FUCKING SURVIVES."

"WHY WOULDN'T THEY?"

"I DON'T KNOW THEIR MOM IS TURNING FIFTY, IT'S A HIGH-RISK PREGNANCY IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE, YOUR STRESS LEVEL IT WON'T BE GOOD FOR EITHER OF YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO CHOOSE WHETHER I SAVE YOU OR OUR BABY." 

"THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, YOU SAVE THE BABY." 

"I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU DIE STEPH."

"I'LL BE FINE, YOU JUST HAVE TO TRUST ME BUT LINDSEY I WOULD RATHER YOU SAVE THEM OVER ME." 

"BUT I'M NOT, YOUR LIFE IS WORTH MORE," 

"LINDSEY HOW COULD YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT, NOT TO MENTION THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED. YOU WANTED TO HAVE A BABY AND NOW WE ARE SO IF IT COMES DOWN TO IT YOU SAVE THEM. AND I'D RATHER THIS BABY LIVE SO MY LEGACY OUR LINEAGE SURVIVES. I'M GOING TO DIE EVENTUALLY THERE'S NO DENYING IT AND I WANT SOMETHING LEFT BEHIND AND IT'S GOING TO BE OUR BABY." 

"IT'S JUST FUCKING IRRESPONSIBLE. YOU'RE BEING IRRESPONSIBLE BY GOING ON TOUR WHILE PREGNANT." 

"IRRESPONSIBLE...LINDSEY I'M HIRING A MIDWIFE AND AN OBGYN TO GO WITH ME ON THIS TOUR, NOT TO MENTION A NUTRITIONIST AND I'M GOING TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO MAKE THIS GO AS SMOOTHLY AS POSSIBLE, BUT YOU'RE GOING ON TOUR TOO AND I DON'T WANT TO BE SITTING AT HOME ALONE PREGNANT BECAUSE THAT'S GOING TO FILL MY HEAD WITH THE WHAT IFS AND I DON'T WANT THAT. IF I'M LEFT ALONE ALL I'M GOING TO THINK ABOUT IS THE RISKS AND THE POTENTIAL HAZARDS OF CARRYING THIS BABY, IF I'M WORKING, I WON'T BE THINKING ABOUT IT." 

"BUT I'M NOT TOURING AS LONG AS YOU. I'M ONLY GOING TO BE GONE APRIL MAY AND THE BEGINNING OF JUNE." 

"TECHNICALLY SO AM I AND THEN AFTER THE BABY IS BORN I'M GOING BACK OUT. THIS BABY AND I WAS HOPING YOU WILL BE COMING WITH ME." 

He pauses for a moment and sighs, "I just think you're making a big mistake and I still think it's irresponsible. Is this going to be the new normal, are you going to be the irresponsible parent?" 

"Get out." She growls.

"What?" 

"I said get out. Go sleep with John tonight...I am not an irresponsible parent, I'm doing my job, now go." She hisses.

"Fine." He spits grabbing his shit and slamming the door as he leaves and then Stevie falls down onto the bed and she cries. 

She was expecting retaliation from him, she knew it was coming and she probably should have told him sooner, but she didn't like him accusing her of being the irresponsible parent because that's what the adoption agencies said when she looked into adoption. Because she was a former drug addict she was going to be an irresponsible parent and it hurt her. 

***

The next day when they boarded the plane to head back to California, as the Grammy's were in New York, Stevie avoided Lindsey like the plague and as soon as they landed and went back to their Brentwood home, Stevie just cleared her throat.

"I'm going to go stay with Karen for a few days. I know you aren't too thrilled about me going on tour, and I understand that but you hurt me yesterday when you said I was going to be an irresponsible parent because that's what the adoption agencies told me when I looked into adoption a few years back. I get where you're coming from, I do I'm scared shitless about going on tour being pregnant like this and especially with all the risks, but I physically can't get out of it. I know you leave on the fifth to go into rehearsals and promotion, I don't know if I'll be home then or not, but if I'm not. Just know that I do love you and just because you hurt me and I'm leaving, doesn't mean I don't. I just need to gather myself. I love you Lindsey and if anything happens, you'll be the first to know. I promise so please, please for me, get Ray to coordinate your schedule with mine, please." Stevie looks at him.

He just nods. 

"Thank you," She grabs his arm and then she gives him a light kiss, and then she turns away and walks out of the front door and Lindsey doesn't stop her, he just lets her go.

***

That night, Stevie was laying in bed in Karen's Santa Monica Condo's guest room, and she was caressing her stomach.

"Hey sweet pea, momma's going to try her hardest to stay safe and healthy for you. I can't wait to meet you and cuddle you and snuggle you but we both need to be healthy and you need to be full term before we can do that alright, now Momma's going to try for you and I need you to do the same thing. I need you to be healthy and you need to keep growing big and strong alright, promise me you'll do that? Be big and strong like your daddy." 

Her baby almost like they know exactly what she's saying kicks in response and Stevie coos.

"Awe that's my good sweet pea, rest up in there as much as you can for these next couple months because once we get into April things are going to be so much different. I love you, Sweet Pea."