Unimpressed

7

I've mentioned before that I am only four feet tall and all my friends are taller than me. And that I get teased for it. A lot. Because my friends are all mean to me. Val too, but mostly my friends because they find my height amusing. Excuse me, but the smaller I am, the easier it is to hide places, so I'm short and light and I'm fricking happy about it okay?

Anyway, Angel, Val, Averie and I were in the auditorium of this studio, and I'm sitting there minding my own business. Okay I was half asleep but that's not important.

In my half sleeping state, Angel picks me up and decides it's a good idea to hold me like Simba from "The Lion King". Which is all good and fine, but, as I've also mentioned, Angel is 8 to 9 feet tall. So my feet aren't touching the ground, I'm tired, and I'm grumpy, so I start growling.

"Put me down," I said.

"Whatcha gonna do 'bout it four foot?" he teased.

"Put. Me. Down." I wanted to find something to throw at him. It's bad enough that my frail doll-like body isn't on the ground, but you know what happened next?

Val must've gotten a bright idea, because he comes up behind Angel and picks him up. Again, and I've said this too, Val is 12 feet tall. 12. Fricking. Feet. And me, little miss four foot over here, is now on the top of this stack of tallness. To make matters worse, Angel was all like "What would happen if he dropped us?" and "I would throw you but I'm not gonna."

I was still being held Simba style, and Val shifted us to sit on his shoulder. I wormed my way out of the Simba hold and sat myself on Angel's shoulder, to which he noticed that I barely weigh anything at all. Which was a new thing for him to tease me about. I only weigh about 60 pounds. No, I'm not unhealthy, it's just part of what my surroundings do to my body. It's normal. So I requested that we not talk about my toddler-like body. He agreed, reluctantly, and then I was satisfied, but I was still on the top of this human stack and I was still a little paranoid that Val was gonna drop us. And Angel knew this. So you know what he did, with me still in his arms?

He jumped off Val's shoulder without warning me.

And I, being caught off guard, made this little squeaking sound that no one in that room has ever heard me make before. Growling? Yup, they've all heard me growl. Crying? Yup, that too. Laughing? Oh yes, definitely. A full fricking terrified squeak? Nope. And they like to laugh at me, so they did. Even worse, I'm pretty sure Ave filmed the whole thing, as well as sent a photo of our human stack to Vox and Velvet back at Val's studio. So there's that.

Moral of this story: Don't be a shortie. Your friends will definitely get a kick out of it and torment you all the time.

I'm Alaska and you're listening to Unimpressed Studios. See you soon lovelies!

-End of broadcast-