Unimpressed

28

I feel like there are certain things your husband (soon to be when this instance occurred) should be telling you. Like y'know, that their seemingly inanimate object is in fact not an inanimate object, it talks. I was told no such thing, and was unpleasantly startled to find out.

Alastor's cane talks. I'm not kidding.

This occurred before we were married. Up until this point I'd given his cane zero thought. I noted that he always had it with him but otherwise I pretty much ignored it. And it ignored me apparently. Until the week of the wedding when suddenly it decided my existence was worth acknowledgment. Lemme set the scene for you:

Alastor was actually asleep and Jamie was snuggled up to him, she'd had a rough day and sleeping is just how she deals with stress. He'd been comforting her and fell asleep after a while. I'd been sketching in another room and as I finished it I came back into the room, tired myself. I seated myself on the other side of Jamie, as not to disturb them (they're both really light sleepers, Jamie gets it from him) and kinda spaced off, because why sleep when you can sit there expressionlessly? I know, I'm an insomniac, don't come at me. While I was zoned out his cane started moving and making weird noises. I didn't pay it any attention at first, I figured it was a normal thing.

Until it moved itself from where it was to right in front of my face.

"Having trouble sleeping?" it asked me. I proceeded to jump out of my skin and almost fall backwards.

"Ah, you didn't know I could talk I assume," it continued.

"Uh no," I said, finding my voice, "I've never heard you speak before."

"Very true, very true." This thing was actually frickin laughing at me. No joke.

So you'd think, as his wife to be at the time, that Alastor might warn me about this. Nope. I received no such warning and I was pretty miffed at first. But the rest of the conversation was golden. Very odd, but golden.

At first it was just trying to convince me to not be an awkward worm and curl up with Alastor and Jamie, because we both knew I wanted to sleep. But, as I will always be the way I am, I used my amazing ADD superpowers to steer the conversation in a different direction and we ended up talking about this, with another friend of mine tossed into the mix because he entered mid conversation. That stupid cane literally started this weird conversation like this:

"By the way, your neck must be very durable to be that long."

What the hell? What is this thing even talking about? Was my immediate thought. That was the most random thing to say, just out of nowhere. I was like "Excuse me what now?" and it goes "Oh wait never mind- Man, demons are really horrible artists."

First of all, ouch. I'd like to consider myself a pretty decent artist. Second of all, I still don't understand a single thing you're saying. I pointed that out too, and it finally explained what the heck it meant.

"Some demons have drawn you," it said, "And uh- they kinda messed up your neck."

I was getting fed up with this crap. "Why the heck would anyone draw me?" I asked, clearly irritated. That's where my other friend, Hunter chimed in with "Because they're jealous of your fabulous body and want to recreate you." Just right out said that. And of course I turned a little red because that makes me a bit nervous. Since I lack an ego, this didn't flatter me, it almost embarrassed me.

"No," I said, "I'm nothing special, that's not why. It can't be."

If y'all are drawing me, first of all just a gentle reminder that I'm not a giraffe. Secondly, why? Just why? I don't get it, I really don't. I am seriously curious now though, so I might look it up. Just to see. I like seeing other people's art.

So yeah, I had a conversation with Alastor's cane. It was heckin' weird. I still don't know what to think about it, I'm thoroughly unsettled.

Well, show's over for now lovelies, I'll talk to you again soon. I appreciate you guys, you make my life more interesting. Tune in again soon!

-End of broadcast-