Unimpressed

26

This is going to take a very serious tone. Take that as a warning, just in case you're not interested in hearing about more personal stuff that's happening with me. It's okay for you to not care. With that being said, let's continue.

I haven't been completely honest with you guys. I love you all so much, I love the fact that you listen to my insane goofiness, I love that you've been a part of my struggle. But you can't very well be a part of my struggle if you don't know my struggle. I've been scared to share this information, so hopefully I gathered my courage for the right reasons. I understand if this sounds like I'm complaining. I get that it might sound like I'm doing this for the attention. Regardless of what you think, I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this because I feel the need to be open and honest about the things that are happening to me. Leave if you'd like, but I'm going to keep talking.

For some basic information, I've said before that I have three forms. I've also said before that my body has some things wrong with it and I pinned on my anxiety for a long time, but this isn't that. Since I arrived, there has been this ongoing phenomenon where I will bleed at the mouth. At first I thought I knew it's triggers; stress and panic. That's when it tended to happen in the beginning. As time went on it became harder to predict when it was going to happen. The bleeding became more and more random and I had no clue why. It was embarrassing for me. How was I supposed to explain that to my kids? Or to Alastor? Or to any of my other friends? This wasn't a normal thing that just happened to everybody. I was stuck. I really didn't know. Lucky for me, my voice of reason, Mavis knew exactly what was going on. When I asked her, this is what she told me:

"This is a result of you being in Hell for so long. Most of your kind can only be here for a month or so before it starts taking its toll on their bodies, especially if they have a demon form. You've been here for the better part of a year now and your human forms are trying to claw their way out of you. Your body is overloaded.. And the sad truth is that this is how the first half blood to have a demon form died. And for you... You might not get to stay here. I'm sorry, but you can still go to Heaven. The half of your soul that you still have is free of impurities. They'll just extract your demon aspects and keep you prisoner there."

I didn't know what to do with that information. It made sense and that scared me. So I tried to hide it, like I do when I'm scared. And as always, Alastor knows when I'm hiding something, so when I had my recent bleeding, in which I almost failed to blood loss, I could tell he knew. He knew I wasn't telling him something. He didn't even have to ask me, I myself steered the conversation that way and broke the news. At first he didn't think that was possible but Mavis chimed in and confirmed that what I'd just said was true. I can't describe the heaviness I felt. I'm happy here. I don't want to leave, and I definitely don't want to end up prisoner in a place that most would describe as paradise. You have no idea how terrifying that is. But I didn't think there was anything I could do about it. I had zero control over my fate and I was ready to give up.

Mavis didn't let me.

"No," she told us, "We're going to find a solution to this. There has to be something we can do."

And she was right. There was. Allow me to explain, because this is actually quite the announcement (I had to get permission to tell you this. You are welcome); Alastor and I are getting married.

Yeah. You heard me. We're getting married.

This is called a marriage claim. It's a bond between two people intended for healthy relationships, since this bond is an unbreakable vow. When we take the vow, my human forms will be released from my body and I'll be a full demon. I won't be a half blood anymore, therefore the bleeding will stop and I get to stay forever. Win-win! I have a life, kids, friends, a job, I'm not leaving all that behind. I am here to stay and that's that.

This is new to both of us; neither of us have ever been married before. Alastor, however, is chill about everything and is probably the smoothest person I've ever met, so to him this is not a problem. To me, I'm still an awkward mess. I still want to crawl into a ravine and eat rocks alone in the dark sometimes. I have no idea what I'm doing. Nevertheless, I'm sure everything will work out. I'm hopeful that things will get better.

Thanks for listening, those who did. Sorry for this downer of an announcement, though it wasn't all sad and gloomy. Thank you all for your love and support. You've all made my life here worth it.

-End of broadcast-