Do you take thee...?

Lifeless

*BEEP**BEEP**BEEP**BEEP*

'Meredith, you need to calm down!'

'Meredith listen to me, we need to help him.'

'Meredith, let us work. Come on, he needs our help.'

'I NEED A GURNEY NOW!!!!'

I swung my head around like there was no tomorrow. All the noises that would normally take over my thoughts, like the ones that had been drilled into my head, had been momentarily forgotten and all my thoughts were now on whatever was about to happen. Thinking the worst of everything. What would the outcomes be? Who was going to die? Surely someone had to die from this catastrophe. The next 3 seconds of my life were filled with nothing but prayers to whoever was out there. I didn't believe in god but in this moment I needed someone to bring a miracle. With every single last bit of breathe I had in me, I screamed with pure horror in my voice, 

'MOVEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!'

Whilst alerting everyone with everything I had, I used the rest of my power to shove the patient out of the way of the vehicle that was now seconds away from hitting us and everything around us. Bailey, Derek, George, Cristina and I were all called out to the incoming patients, and guess who just happened to be right in the way of the disaster.

After I had saved that patients life in what way I could, I regretfully turned my head to the oncoming trauma and just held my breathe. I had no time to move. I had no strength to move. The shock took over my body, leaving me with no logical thoughts of moving. I felt impact pound every inch of my being. Every single nerve and bone and cell and thought had been wiped out and I was done. 

I couldn't breathe and I felt like not a single muscle in my body was working. Excruciating pain overtook my body. The only thoughts I had other than pain was, where was he? He had been outside with me and he had been the last person's eyes that I looked into. He had to help me. Going against all the medical knowledge I ever knew, I tried rolling over to get up but I couldn't move a muscle. All my pain receptors had taken control of my body. I was petite, not large at all. I wouldn't have taken much to break one of my bones so what in the world had this done?

I finally opened my eyes, only staring straight in my viewpoint and I saw what used to be a blue, Seattle sky, normally covered in clouds but was now encased in smoke and bits of debris flying left right and centre, from the car wreck. I could faintly here people shouting my name, trying to get me to respond, making sure I wasn't dead, even though I well and truly felt it. I heard people shouting Derek's name in the midst of everything else going on in mind. I lowered my eyesight without moving my neck or head, since I hadn't yet regained any strength to do so. I saw Derek. He looked so weak and helpless. Like every strand of his human being had been ripped from his body. What used to be shiny, healthy, voluminous hair was now blood drenched, ashy, broken and looked just about as lifeless as himself. I now knew why I couldn't breathe. I had every ounce of his weight, piled on my petite frame. He laid unresponsive on my skin. After I had began to minimally process what was happening in this moment, I screamed once again having only little life left in me. I was in shock. I was in pain. I needed Derek to be okay. The world went black and once again I couldn't breathe. Except this time, I wasn't actually breathing. I had stopped.

Derek and I both lay lifeless on one and other. Like if we were sleeping softly in our bed. The bed that I had dreamt about ,early in our involvement, choosing the perfect headboard for, when we were building our dream house. We were so in each others personal space that it seemed like we were giving each other the biggest hug that could've been a habit. 

I managed to take a vast breath, freeing up my airways and unlocking my lungs so that they could move again inside my crushed chest. I felt a tube at the front of my mouth and realised I was moments away from being intubated. Everyone's voices became slightly audible to my ears once again, allowing me to hear that I needed a chest tube since my lung had collapsed. Once understanding all of what was being done to me, I remembered. I remembered turning my head to the left and seeing Derek sprinting towards me. I remember not feeling the impact of the car but of Derek forcing all of his body weight onto me, gripping me so securely around my waist and wrapping his arm and hand around my head to protect it and pushing me out of the way. Then I remember feeling the impact of the car. He didn't get to me quick enough. We were both launched down the bay into the closed doors of the ambulance and our bodies intertwined, bouncing back to the concrete ground making it so that my body was underneath his. Then after that I don't remember a thing. It was as if somebody was telling me what had happened even though nobody could possibly know how I was feeling except the person still laying upon me with his head on my chest. Every horrific memory was replaying in parts and none of it was in chronological order. 

*BEEP**BEEP**BEEP**BEEP*

'Meredith, you need to calm down!'

'Meredith listen to me, we need to help him.'

'Meredith, let us work. Come on, he needs our help.'

'I NEED A GURNEY NOW!!!!'

'Meredith you need to let go of Dr Shepherd! We need to get him intubated and inside.'

'NOOO! Let me deal with him! I can help him!' My croaky voice screamed to Cristina and Bailey. I had apparently gotten the strength from somewhere to wrap my bruised, bloody arms around his limp body. I would not let go. None of my thoughts were rational, clearly, and without actually realising, I was being very selfish. I was letting him die in my arms. I felt so much guilt and felt like the only person who should make this better. I had done this so I needed to resolve it. 

I had tears rolling down my face, running in my wounds that had overtaken my face, knowing that Derek was being rolled from my arms and body onto a stretcher and knowing that my body had nothing left in it to hold onto his warm body. I felt so close to him and didn't want to let go. My arms fell to my side and my eyes rolled to the back of my head for the third time in a short while. I felt nothing now.