Do you take thee...?

She Knew

MEREDITH'S POV

I met Derek for the last time that day, outside of the hospital once my surgery had finished. He stood beside his car, I think waiting for me, and he looked so calm and peaceful which was the total opposite to how I felt. I was going crazy at the thought of what we had done and I didn't regret it one bit because it was so perfect and he was so perfect but I hated the way it had happened and the situation we were in. I had this thought deep down inside of me that I knew would change the whole situation but I had no clue of what to do or whether I even wanted to do it. Forbes said I should, that we should but there were so many things right now compromising the decision. 

'Hey.'

'Hey, you looked great in surgery today and nobody knows a thing, so don't worry.' He said to me grabbing and squeezing my hand as reassurance.

'I know but as much as I loved every second of it, it can't happen again, okay? At least not for a while. Until I figure things out.' I said to him whilst pulling my hand out of his and reaching inside my handbag for my keys.

'Whatever you want. Do you want me to drive you home and we can talk about things?'

'No, because then Marcus will come home and ask why my car was still at the hospital.'

'Oh you two are living together?' He asked me with a shocked look on his face.

'Oh, yeah. We are. I mean, after the accident...' my mind was telling me to stop knowing that the accident chaos was going to be the topic of conversation, but my heart told me to keep going. 'He wanted to stay with me to make sure I was okay and it kind of just stuck. We've never really talked about it, so I guess.' For a moment I felt terrible that I hadn't told him or that he was clearly upset at this but then I was reminded of how I found out he was engaged. He didn't tell me that either and I was unhappy at that too so now the odds had been evened. As hurtful as it is, I kind of felt a bit of weight lifted off my chest now that he knew the extent of mine and Marcus' relationship. 

'Well as long as you two are happy. How were you after the crash by the way?'

My heart sunk. I couldn't do this. I knew that I had anger in me somewhere that was bound to arise and I knew I would probably once again say something I would regret.

'I-eh, I was fine. I have to go. I'm sorry. I'm exhausted and I need to eat.'

I walked away thankfully not having said anything remorseful. My head hung low and a small tear fell down my cheek. What had been a magical moment, that could've lasted, had now been turned into an awkward, tense filled atmosphere in which I would only have to return to tomorrow. I drove home, didn't eat, since I wasn't hungry anymore and felt physically sick by the fact that I was going to have to sleep next to a man that I had hours before cheated on, and went to bed to receive a restless night. 

DEREK'S POV

I had arrived home after what was nearly a perfect evening spent with the perfect person and I had climbed into bed when I felt a body slide in next to me and wrap their arms around my stomach. I smelt the apple fragrance that lingered in her hair and she subtle smell of iodine that was on her hands from scrubbing out.

'Hi baby. How was your day?' Jennifer asked in a soothing tone. Now I felt bad. I felt bad that she didn't know and that if I didn't tell her she wasn't going to know. She was replacing the touch of where Meredith's hands had been and with her leg lounged over mine, I couldn't bare it anymore.

'I have something to tell you Jen and I'm sorry for what I'm gonna say and I don't know how to even tell you this but...' I felt her back away from me and her arm become loose on my stomach. I couldn't look her in the eyes because what I was about to say didn't affect me the way I knew it was going to do to her. 'I slept with someone.'

The room was silent until her voice broke it. Still with my head facing the opposite direction to hers, I listened as she spoke.

'I know.'

I was so shocked and confused that I turned over to look at her expressions. She wasn't crying and she didn't seem upset or even surprised which made me feel even worse in some way, that she had maybe suspected I would do this.

'I can smell lavender in your hair and I don't own lavender because I don't like it. Meredith, it was her wasn't it?'

'Yes, it was. But how do you know?'

'So the throwing yourself in front of a car for her and your heart rate shooting through the roof when she left the room and then the skills lab tonight. Yeah I figured Derek.'

She threw her head back into the pillow and I turned on a bedside lamp ready to resolve this.

'Aren't you pissed at me? Don't you want to kick the shit out of me?' I hoped she would do all of those things and feel all of those things but there was no emotion on her face showing any thought of that.

'Well for one, we're engaged. We are making the pact to stay together through thick and thin and this seems like one of those thick times. The fact that you told me tonight, after it happened just means you wanted to get it off your chest and I don't know, maybe you're telling me straight away because you can't handle the guilt or maybe it's because you want me out as soon as possible. But what I do know is that, I forgive you and I can still marry you as long as it doesn't happen again. No flirting. No kissing and no sex. Derek, that's all I ask.'

I was in pure disbelief that she was even considering the wedding still but I was thankful for the way she had handled it.

I lay down in the bed, grabbed her hand and said,

'Jennifer, I'm so sorry.'