Do you take thee...?

Over It

'Meredith Grey, I love you.'

'Don't say that. Don't. Your not going to leave her so do not say that.' I quickly fired back not wanting him to break my heart anymore than he just did. 

We both stood there, hand in hand until I let go, with only me crying now. I sniffled up trying to not embarrass myself and look an absolute mess with snot and mascara running down my face. Then he continued.

'I'm sorry. For everything I've done. I can make sure you're not on either mine of Dr. Mei's service and you can even have the rest of the day off if you want. Again I'm sorry and I'll always love you.'

'No, you don't need to take me off your services and I don't need the day off.'

I thought about that sickening decision that had been in the back of my mind but then had been erased when I knew that I wanted to be with Derek. It had returned and there was no other option but to get away. I couldn't be in the same place as him or her anymore. I couldn't come to the hospital when they had been married and listen to everyone talking about how lovely her dress was an how magical their vows were. I didn't want to have to see the wedding ring live on her finger and his be a residence on his. I wanted no reminders and this way I wouldn't have any.

'I'm leaving town. I'm leaving this job and I'm going across the country. I don't want to have to see your face or smell you in the hallway. I need to be as far away as possible so no, you don't need to arrange anything for me. I think you've done enough.'

Derek didn't even try to say anything to me because he knew he couldn't do anything to make this better except leave her and we both knew damn well he wasn't to do that. I picked myself up, wiped away the residual tears and snot, made my way to the door, listen to him say 'I'm sorry' one last time and slammed the door on my way out. I was done. All the boys and the bars. He chose her and I would make no apologies for how I'm choosing to put myself back together. It wasn't hard to say I was completely heartbroken and deep down I knew I would do anything to be with him but he chose Mei and I was not going to get down on my hands and knees and say 'Pick me. Choose me. Love me.' My career was my main focus now liked I had always wanted it to be and I would get the chance to be a proper intern, finish that and become a resident and I was going to speak to Forbes because as much as I loved Derek, I knew I needed someone. I was going to tell him though. That me and Derek had sex and I would give him the option to be with me or to not.

I found Forbes in the attendings lounge and thankfully there was nobody else in there. Still with bloodshot eyes from the amount of tears I had cried, I walked in and greeted him. I figured if he was going to break up with me, today would be a good day to do it then I would have all the heartbreak in one day.

'Hey, have you got a minute? I need t ask you something.'

'Yeah, of course I have.' He told me whilst placing a kiss on my forehead and picking up my hand as I sat down on the sofa next to him.

'So I'm giving you the option here and I'm so sorry for what you're about to find out but I slept with Derek Shepherd. But here's another thing-'

'Wait, wait. One at a time please. You had sex with Shepherd?' He asked me letting go of my hand. Now I started to panic but I kept myself together and answered.

'Yeah. I did. And I'm gonna say I don't regret it but I do regret doing it when I did.'

'You did it when?'

'Oh god.' I took a deep breathe and began to bring back the conversation.

'Last night. I promise it was only the once.'

'And you came home straight after. God Meredith.'

'No not exactly.' I felt like I needed to just hold no more secrets and get it all out in the pen whilst I could. I really couldn't care anymore if everyone in this hospital despised me because as soon as this conversation was over, I was out.

'Remember I was late to your surgery.'

'Fucking hell Meredith! Are you kidding me? Please tell me you're joking.'

'I'm not.'

'So you're telling me, you and Derek had sex when he came into the gallery and made up the excuse that you were being taught something. Oh well now it makes sense. I guess he really was teaching you something.'

He was stood up pacing up and down the room, throwing his arms everywhere and and screaming at me. I let him do all of that because I knew fine well that what I did was wrong to him. But not to me. Like I said, I didn't regret doing it at all, I just wished that we weren't in relationships with other people.' 

'Ok.' The was a vast pause.

'Get out.' He spoke calmly and I did as he said because quite frankly I didn't want to be in the room anyways so the quicker I got out the better. At this point I also realised that I didn't need him. I needed myself and I needed to get out of there as soon as I could.

'I'm going. I'm leaving. For good.'

'For good? What's that supposed to mean?'

'I got a job offer for a different internship in Florida. My mum's best friend is the chief over there and he said there are plenty availabilities. So I'm going. I wanted to go for a while and I was going to ask you to come with me because there was an offer for an plastic surgeon attending also but then I made up my mind and was going to tell Derek I wanted to be with him and then I was going to stay. But now I'm going. So goodbye.' I left the room without speaking or hearing another word and walked down to the chief's office ready to quit the programme and somehow drive home without crashing from the lack of vision that was being reduced because of the tears glazing my eyeballs. 

After I did what I did, with the Chief trying everything he could to persuade me to stay, I walked to the car park at Seattle Grace Mercy West for the last time and climbed into my car, turned on the radio and listened to another of our songs play again. Again one of mine and Derek's songs that had played whenever we were together. 

Settle down with me
Cover me up
Cuddle me inLie down with me, yeah
And hold me in your armsAnd your heart's against my chest
Your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes
But they don't know me yetAnd with a feeling I'll forget
I'm in love nowKiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be lovedThis feels like falling in love
Falling in love
Falling in loveSettle down with me
And I'll be your safety
You'll be my ladyI was made to keep your body warm
But I'm cold as the wind blows so hold me in your armsMy heart's against your chest
Your lips pressed to my neck
I'm falling for your eyes
But they don't know me yetAnd with this feeling I'll forget
I'm in love nowKiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be lovedThis feels like falling in love
Falling in love
Falling in loveYeah I've been feeling everything
From hate to love
From love to lust
From lust to truth
I guess that's how I know you
So I hold you close to help you give it upSo kiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be lovedThis feels like falling in love
Falling in love
Falling in loveKiss me like you wanna be loved
You wanna be loved
You wanna be lovedThis feels like falling in love
Falling in love
Falling in love