Do you take thee...?

No Sight

My phone rang.

'Meredith, why haven't you called me, at least to let me know you were on your way to the airport?'

'Because I'm not at the airport.'

'Oh so your in Flori-? Wait you can't be in Florida.'

'Cristina.' There was a long pause from my behalf, just allowing me enough time to tell her the truth she didn't want to hear, 'I'm at the church.'

'Since when was Meredith Grey religious?' She asked me in a confused tone until she finally understood what I was talking about.'Ohh, you're at the church.'

'Yes. I don't know why but I felt like I needed to come. And I have your dress in my, well your, car.'

'And why do you have my dress?'

'Well because I was going to come to the hospital and give it to you to save you the journey of coming all the way home and you could just get ready at the hospital but then I ended up here and I need you. To talk me out of this.'

'Out of what Meredith? Please God, don't do something stupid.' She tried to resolve the issue by stuttering down the phone whilst coming up with ways to be here with me. 'Right, okay, drive back to the hospital it's only 15 minutes away and then come pick me up, I'll get ready and then we can decide what to do from there?'

'But what if he doesn't see me?'

'Meredith, he here at the hospital. He messaged me to ask if we could talk about something serious. I don't know what it was but he literally just text me and said it doesn't matter anymore he was just having cold feet. I really don't know why he would come to me but that doesn't matter. Just come pick me up. I need my dress and Burke is gonna kill me if I'm not ready.'

I agreed knowing that I genuinely did need her to talk some sense into me and she did actually need her dress but the whole ride on my own was filled with questions as to why Derek wanted to speak to Cristina. Cristina of all people. Why not Burke or the Chief? Did he want to know about me? Was he wondering where I was at? I enjoyed the thoughts that I made up of him having his mind focused on me and only me but I had a feeling that also wasn't the truth.

Once I got to the hospital, I greeted Cristina who told me that she had watched Derek leave for the church in his tux and that he looked lovely. I asked her but I don't know why because it only made me want to see him more. To see him and speak to him in the flesh. In one part of my mind I was angry at Cristina because I could have waited at the church and saw him but on the other hand I was grateful because once she sat down and spoke to me, looking stunning in her navy dress with her hair tied back and a red lip on, I realised why she was my best friend. She spoke sense into me. She made me realise the truth and what I wanted. Cristina brought me back to reality and I was grateful for that. When I didn't have a logical mindset I could be certain that she did and right there and then that's what I needed. Once staying with me until I had made my decision, she climbed out her car and transferred into Burke's who had been patiently waiting for me to get myself together. I watched them drive off and in a hurry seen as though I had basically made them late and I sat in the car, on my own, with my head on the steering wheel, unsure of whether or not I was ready to get my life back and sort myself out.

DEREK'S POV

I was nearly late to my own wedding because of these gut instincts that I was having but I just put them down to cold feet and the pressure of everyone I ever knew being sat in a huge church and all eyes being on me. I messaged Cristina saying I needed to talk to her. I knew she would be the person to talk to about this. I wanted to talk to her about Meredith. All I wanted to know was if she was happy. If she was safe and if Cristina thought I should be doing this. I knew that if I had asked Cristina any of these questions and eventually got in a rut over Meredith, that there was no way in hell that I would not end up standing at the front of the alter.

Once I had calmed myself and finally got down the aisle, I stood at the end waiting the arrival of the woman I was going to marry. I searched the room of all the familiar faces, trying to find the pair of green eyes that I knew weren't going to be there. My family and friends, my colleagues and acquaintances sat before me, waiting for me to say 'I do' and kiss the bride. I felt so much pressure upon me as my palms sweated and my feet started tapping on the runner below my feet. The traditional 'Here Comes The Bride' music started playing, everyone rose to the feet to watch the bride walk down the aisle. The doors at the end swung open and there she was. The woman I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. The veil covered her face and the bouquet danced in the middle of her stomach, she looked beautiful, elegant, sophisticated. I felt like I could really learn to love this woman like I had another once. 

We recited our vows and looked each other in the eyes, We showed compassion, connection and love but I have to admit not any of the same intensity that I had shared with Meredith. I didn't want to think about her whilst I was being married to another woman but as Jennifer stood in front of me walking down the aisle, I only imagined Meredith. I imagined her in the white dress that hugged her figure and the bunch of greenery and small white flowers that filled the space between her hands. I saw a small glimpse of the blue fabric from my tie that I had worn when we first met, make an appearance from under her skirt. I saw her walking down that aisle not Mei. It was too late though. I couldn't just break this up in front of everyone I knew. I needed to make it work and what I wanted to see that day would be kept to myself. Now I was regretting what I had said to Meredith moments before she quit her job, quit her life here and quit the connection between us. I clicked out of my imagination and realising that there was not going to be any sight of those green eyes I wished to see but now the minister was asking the most important words 'Derek Christopher Shepherd, do you take thee?'