The Suburbs

Chapter thirty-four

The car journey back with Alex has been a bit odd to say the least. It feels as though he is trying to recreate what we had when we first started dating, he's a little flirtatious, overly complimenting me and generally trying too hard. I could be over-thinking this, I am over tired after all. I didn't get to Alex until almost midnight and I feel wiped out sitting for so long in that traffic. Thankfully the roads did seem to be clearing so the rest of the journey should only be half the time.

"I can drive if you want me to?" Alex suggests, sweetly.

"Oh no, I'll be fine. Come on, you've literally just got out of hospital, I don't expect you to drive. Plus, you don't know the way." I say with a smile.
No point in trying to ignore the elephant in the room. These are some strange circumstances. My ex-husband is about to walk into my new home that I've worked for in my new life. As much as we are trying to front it out, it's clearly going to be somewhat awkward to say the least.

"Fine. I'll cook breakfast in the morning then to say thank you."

I nod politely and give him another reassuring smile but inside I'm struggle a little bit. It's hard trying to keep a conversation flowing with somebody I have so much history with but also thought I'd never speak to again. Then of course I have Jacob on my mind. I won't be able to keep Alex a secret forever, eventually Jacob will realise there is a man in my house and I'm not entirely sure how he'll react. He isn't as understanding as I am. I don't expect him to be happy about it but I do hope he can just accept the fact that this is my decision and I know what I'm doing.

My thoughts keep my brain busy long enough that before I know it, I'm pulling into my driveway. It's such a relief to finally be home. I notice quickly that there are still lights on over at Jacob's house. I don't want him to come over so to put him off I quickly send a text message just to let him know I'm home and safe, but also really tired. I let him know I'll speak to him in the morning and add some kisses before hitting send.

"A house with all the glass. Just like you said you always wanted." Alex says softly as he climbs out of the car and stares at my new home.

"Yeah...it's awesome in the summer."

"I bet..." Alex politely agrees but I do feel like I'm picking up on some sadness in his voice.

It mustn't be easy for him. After the divorce I wanted us to both find our way onto a new path and be happy, but so far it's clear that it's only me who has managed it. I feel so sad for him. I want to hug him but I don't want to blur the lines. I don't want him to think anything more than a friendship could ever happen between us now.
I have to say conscious of that.

"I have a futon that I'm supposed to be collecting from store on Monday, I'm sorry it's not here already I didn't expect you so soon." I explain as Alex looks around the living room.

"That's fine. I can just sleep on the sofa tonight, it's not a big deal." Alex assures me and I smile gratefully.

"Ok, great. Well, I'll grab you some bedding and extra pillows and I'll help you get set up. It's so late so I'm sure all you want to do is sleep."

"Actually, all I want to do is talk to you. But these painkillers are going to make me sleep either way,
So yeah, I best get sorted on the sofa." He jokes and his eyes light up as I giggle back.

I notice Alex hasn't got any clothes with him and I remember the fire. He must have lost everything.
I don't want Jacob to see me leaving the house with Alex tomorrow but we really do need to go shopping. He can't sleep and live in one pair of jeans. The earlier the better for us, that way we hopefully won't be seen.

"Shall we head out early tomorrow? I thought I'd set my alarm and we can get up and get out at the crack of dawn. There's a really good outlet near us, we can get you some clothes and essentials." I offer, but really I'm insisting and I think Alex can tell.

"Um, sure. Bright and early it is. I'll see you tomorrow." He smiles thankfully and I disappear upstairs to get the extra bedding.

It doesn't take me to long to gather everything together but by the time I come back downstairs, Alex has made me a cup of tea which he has left on the kitchen counter.

"For me?"

"Yeah, well, it's freezing and horrible out there and after driving all that way for me, the least I can do is fix you a hot drink." He says gently.

As I walk over to the counter to retrieve my tea I can feel Alex's eyes heavily on me. I glance up to be sure and just as I do I catch his gaze. His eyes narrow as he takes everything in and takes the new me in.

"I don't think I have ever seen you look so beautiful, Mia. You seem so happy here."

"It's just nice to be settled." I shrug.
"It's not all perfect. My best friend is a stray cat."

"Your best friend?" Alex smirks.

"Well actually, my only friend." I laugh, which makes his smirk grow into a full smile.

It's actually really nice to see him smile so brightly.

"I wish I had seen that." He continues as he throws his head back with a chuckle.

"Well I can easily paint you a picture if you want? Just imagine a sweaty dishevelled Mia, tired from moving all day, didn't have time to eat anything so after two glasses of wine, I was pissed and telling a cat my life story. She probably only keeps coming back because she feels sorry for me!"

"Tragic!" Alex teases, but suddenly his bright smile fades and the banter between us feels as though it's been sucked out of the room. Instead he stares at me intently and I notice quickly that his eyes are watering.

He drops his head and rubs the back of his neck before staring back at me, looking so defeated.

"I should have never let you go, Mia." He finally whispers.