The Suburbs

Chapter Seventeen

I may have gone a little overboard in the supermarket. Eighty-seven pounds later and all I bought was alcohol, ice-cream, cake and treats for Puss. I definitely looked as though I was having a mid-life crisis to the cashier.

My hair is now scraped up into a scruffy bun, I have my comfortable fluffy sliders on and some old leggings and a baggy t-shirt that I once got from an old Cher concert. I wonder how sexy Jacob would find me right now. Probably run a mile.

I picked up a new watermelon vodka from the shop which I hadn't ever seen in there before and after one mouthful from my glass I can already tell this is going to be dangerous. It barely tastes alcoholic; I could drink a pitcher of it in one sitting and not realise I'm casually getting pissed.

I'm almost half an hour into my favourite girly flick; Thelma and Louise. God, I really wish I could jump into a Ford Thunderbird, throw on some shades and just keep driving through the desert with my best friend. Although at this rate, it would be Puss in the passenger seat. I laugh at the thought before digging my spoon into the pot of cookie dough ice cream and shovelling it in my mouth, a bit like Kevin in Home Alone when he made himself a giant bowl of various scoops of ice-cream whilst his parents left him for Paris.

I love how sometimes you can get completely lost in a movie but yet a quote from a character you can take and place it into your own real life. Like, at first Louise warns Thelma and tells her 'you get what you settle for' and I can't help but think of Elle and Jacob, settling for each other and how that must feel. I'm not naïve to think they have never had happy times and made some good memories, but I wonder about the strain it could cause, settling for someone who doesn't make your heart race every time their lips brush against yours.

Then I start thinking about myself and how I have behaved since leaving Alex. Louise later on in the film says to Thelma 'You've always been crazy; this is just the first chance you've had to express yourself' and of course my mind immediately flashes back to seducing Jacob from my bedroom window and then again in his hot tub. I blush at the memory. It's strange, I feel so morally torn. I liked that Mia, she was fun, wild, living in the moment and acting so vicariously. But I have no idea if that's truly me.

I can't think about this right now though, it just confuses me and after the bombshell my Mum dropped on me this morning, I already have so much on my mind, my head has been spinning. I can't even bring myself to think of the possibility that my wonderful Dad was never actually my biological Dad because it would break my heart. Which is probably why he didn't want a DNA test; he didn't want to know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, I guess.

A sudden gentle knock at my door snaps me out of my depressive thoughts and immediately fills me with anxiety. Shit. Who could that be?
Bollocks. I totally forgot about Elle. Oh god I really can't be bothered with Elle tonight either. I just want time alone. Maybe if I tell her I feel unwell and she sees the state of me, she won't want to come in anyway.

I start fake coughing as I head to the front door and swing it open.

Well, pull my tits and call me Brenda. It's not Elle.

"Jacob!" I blurt, shocked.
Shit. Shit. Shit. I look like a massive slob. Fuck.

"Hey!" He says smiling widely, showing off his perfectly white teeth.
"You look..."

"Like a fucking slob?" I interrupt.

"No." He laughs gently.
"I was going to say you look like you're having a quiet night in."

"Oh. Yeah, something like that.

"Well, can I come in?"

"Absolutely! Just wait one second." I insist whilst I gently close the door and rush back into the living room.