The Suburbs

Chapter nine

An hour or so later, I have managed to clean up the kitchen after the fajitas and rearrange the coffee table after Elle drunkenly fell into it. The shame of knowing I gave Elle wine knowing full well she's already having difficulties with alcohol is weighing heavily on my mind. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up when Jacob told me those Sangria's she had were virgin. I felt so stupid. I really shouldn't have done it.

I don't know what has gotten into me lately, well I do. Jacob. Ever since meeting him, I'm just not myself. Which is so out of character for me.
Ever since I was a teenager all I have ever done is followed life by the rule book. I studied hard at school, I went to one of the best universities, I worked hard for my career, I met a man and I fell in love, I got married, I obsessed about my credit score, I turned a house into a home, I did all the things that I was supposed to do and I did them well.

I had never put a toe out of line in my life. I have always considered myself to have good morals and pride myself on making good decisions and yet here I am, stripping in front of my neighbour, getting involved in their marriage, supplying an alcoholic with more booze just so I can fulfil my own curiosity and of course, I can't forget the fact that I talk to a cat like my own personal therapist.

I'm different from the person I thought I was going to be here. I thought I'd be calm, content and busy throwing myself into my work, attending local sports games, taking up yoga, going for long country walks, growing vegetables in my garden - or whatever it is people in the country do. I must have just gotten to a point in my life where I was bored of playing by the rules every time. Playing it so safe and doing the right thing, where has it got me?
I think a part of me is tired of being so sensible and so painfully predictable.

I let Puss out for the night and pull the sack from the kitchen bin ready to take out to the rubbish.

"Hey." Jacob says quietly as I open my front door.

"Fuck, you scared me." I gasp as I drop the bin.
"I erm, I was just taking this out to the rubbish."

"Sorry...I didn't mean to scare you. I came over here to apologise."

"Oh?"

"You were right. My wife is not your responsibility. I shouldn't have pinned that onto you and if I'm being completely honest, if she didn't come here and drink wine with you, she only would have found something stronger at home." He explains, sincerely.

I like this side of Jacob. His voice is softer, his eyes kinder and his approach to me is much more gentle.

"Thank you." I mumble awkwardly.

He pauses for a moment whilst looking down at the ground and when he looks back at me his eyes are more stern.

"Look, I don't think you should come to the party on Saturday." He says, confirming to me that his demeanour has once again changed. Once again he changes back to serious Jacob.

"And why is that?"

"Because, because I said so. It won't be your kind of party anyway. Elle's friends are all wives of boring old rich men who think they're above everyone they meet. You'd hate it, so please just stay home."

"Jacob, Elle invited me and I don't want to let her down."

"God, Mia. Must you be so difficult about everything?" He snaps impatiently.
"I don't want you there because I don't have time to worry about some silly crush you have on me during my wife's party. Okay? I'm sure there are other neighbours you can entertain."

And there he goes again. Back to insulting me.

"What's your problem with me?" I attempt to snap back but it comes out like more of a whine.
"If it's about the other night, I said I'm sorry. Believe me, it won't happen again."

"Don't flatter yourself Mia. I haven't even thought about it since."

His words feel like they could knock the wind out of my chest. His expression is angry and impatient.
Where does he get off making me feel like nothing?

"I have to go Jacob. I have a costume to sort out. Goodnight." I say as I close the door on his face.

I feel like I'm trembling, I'm so worked up. Who does he think he is? I have never known anyone to get under my skin like he does. Just when I thought he was being reasonable and genuine he comes out with a line like that.

Just for that, I'll grab a cup of coffee, head to my office and spend some time finding the best dress for this party.

After browsing for hours through different dresses, I end up settling on the sexiest one I can find and order it for next day delivery.
It's a black and gold deep plunge sequin dress, short and daring. Which to be fair, was very much the style back then. It's not at all what I had in mind originally but I am keen to look my very best.

So, clearly my plan to stay away and phase out my friendship with Elle isn't quite going to plan considering I have sat here online shopping for her Great Gatsby party.

But I hated the way Jacob made me feel. He is so up and down, I'm sick of him thinking that he can talk to me how he wants. The worst part is that occasionally I feel him drawn to me, in the same way I was drawn to him that night at the window but he'd never admit it. He would much rather tell me I'm a slapper, a forgettable one at at.

So I suppose this dress is my way of getting back at him, looking teasingly seductive but knowing full well he can't have me. Of course, the idea sounds petty when I actually think about it, but I can't help it.

I know I'm playing with fire. I know I'm getting caught up in something I should stay away from. Every time I tell myself I'll stay away and forget about him, I find myself glancing over to his office from my window, hoping to see him.
It's like one minute I hate him but the next I'm intrigued by him. He is angry, rude, aggressive at times but when he gets close to me and focuses on my eyes I feel myself going weak.

It's a feeling I haven't had and it's like a drug. The more I feel it, the more I want it.

I realise how tired I am when I finally climb into bed. My eyes feel so heavy, all this stuff is a little mentally draining. It's a stress and an excitement all in one. Something I am just not used too.