The Suburbs

Chapter twenty-nine

My chest is rising fast up and down as I fight to hold back my emotions and try my very best to stay in control.

It's the most thoughtful thing I have ever seen in my life. I can't stop staring because I don't ever want to forget this moment. I want this picture in my mind forever. This is without a doubt the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me, to bring me back a piece of my dad.

"You've recreated a moment from my past." I say before the emotions get the better of me and I break down with harder breaths and more tears.

For the first time since I arrived I allow myself to gaze up and look into Jacob's eyes. He looks terrified, like he is the cause of this pain, but he isn't. It's just so beautiful that I can't think straight.

"Because those memories are important to you. So I wanted you to know that they're important to me too. Everything about you is important to me." He answers, rushed and panicked.

This is now a million times harder. I came here to tell him it's over and that I'm going to be leaving and now I walk into the most romantic and thoughtful gesture that is so beyond anything I could have ever thought up. It's left me completely winded.

The feelings of never seeing him again terrify me and I find myself visibly shaking my head at the mess I find myself in.

"Shit. I'm so sorry. I'll pack it all away now, I'll bin it if you want. It was a stupid fucking idea and I'm so sorry..." Jacob blurts, obviously taking me shaking my head as some sort of answer.

"No, don't!" I cry.
"I love it so much, I really do."

"I don't understand?" Jacob's face screws up and I can tell he is starting to feel stressed. He pushes his hands through his hair anxiously and takes a few steps away from me and paces the kitchen.

"What's going on?"

"I can't..." I start to say before stopping myself. Jacob turns around frustrated and puts his arms against the wall as he leans against it. I can see he is losing his patience.

This is all so much to bare right now, I wasn't expecting this. I can't process it all, it's all too much. I feel like the room is whirling around me but really it's probably just my thoughts racing. It's just as scary though. I can't seem to slow them down and before I know it I'm so overwhelmed I can't think straight anymore. 

"I have to go!" I shout before rushing to the exit.

I feel a split second of relief when I open the front door and the air hits my face, but it's quickly taken away when the door suddenly slams back shut and Jacob spins me round by the arm to face him.

"Mia, you can't leave me like this. It'll drive me wild." He breathes as he gazes intently down at me.

My throat feels so thick from trying to desperately conceal my pain. Jacob's eyes narrow as he continues to hold his gaze onto mine. My heart is thumping so hard I can feel it in my neck.

My mouth is so dry but I try to force the words out.

"Jacob... I..."

"Having a panic attack?" He answers for me and I nod tearfully.

He drops his head down so that it gently leans against mine and he carefully grips my trembly hand into his before bringing it up to his chest.

"Feel how I'm breathing Mia. Concentrate. Follow my rhythm." He gently soothes as he uses his other hand to tuck a little bit of hair behind my ear.