The Suburbs

Chapter nineteen

The more I sit here and listen to Elle talk about her new bathing suit she ordered from Fendi and how she's planning on re-designing the kitchen and her desires to put an extension on the house, to make their already huge house even bigger, I begin to realise how the majority of our conversations are like this. Ninety percent of my time with Elle is spent listening to her talk, about herself, a lot. Usually I don't mind, I can be quite socially awkward and so someone taking the lead and chatting away can actually be quite refreshing, but in this instance, it's draining me.

I find myself fake laughing a lot, forcing smiles, agreeing to things I either don't understand or I don't actually agree on. I pretend to get excited about materialistic things that she gets so hyped up about, but really I couldn't give a shit that John Lewis has a new gold and marble coffee table. And pretending I care is proving to be a lot of effort these days.

I have tried not to be rude but I've glanced down at my phone at least half a dozen times in the last half an hour. She's been here two hours already and I have barely spoken a word.
The sun is beating down on my head, my eyes feel tired, my skin feels kind of dry. I feel like I have been sat in the direct sun for too long and my head feels a little fuzzy. I feel like I could do with a nice shower and an early night. But Elle seems to want to discuss why she wants Jacob to agree that they need a bigger swimming pool.

It's all quite sad actually. I get a sense that she's almost addicted to spending his money. She is constantly on the look out for ways to better their appearance. The house has to be bigger, the swimming pool longer, the kitchen needs to be refitted despite it already being very modern and luxurious. It never ends. I wonder if she is ever truly satisfied.

"Oh and then of course I want Jacob to take me on another honeymoon. I have already asked him sort that out, but knowing Jacob, he won't be in a rush to do it." Elle says, rolling her eyes.

"Another honeymoon?"

"Yes, well the last one was only okay. Greece is lovely but the hotel could have been better. I think it was still a five star resort, but I want the wow factor. This time, I want to go to Santorini and have a penthouse suite, with our own infinity pool. Jacob could take a photo of me as I sit in the pool and look out into the distance, just as the sun sets. Can you imagine? That would definitely be worthy enough for my social media."

"Wow, yeah." I find myself nodding again like a bloody sheep. Everything she says I just find myself smiling and agreeing like a moron incapable of having an opinion.

"Do you have social media, Mia?" She asks inquisitively.

"I do, but I don't really use it these days. I find it's all just people becoming far too self-absorbed and fake."

"Oh. Well I love it. It's a great way to show my friends and family how well Jacob and I are doing. Here, look for yourself." She says as she passes me her phone and I look down to see hundreds of model-style images.

I feel a little tightness in my stomach, as if I'm nervous to come across photos of Elle and Jacob, posing together, living the high life. I just know I'll feel a huge wash of jealousy over me. But to my surprise, the majority of the images are all of Elle.
It's just a Elle riding a camel in the desert. Just Elle sipping on cocktails on what looks like a private beach. Another photo, of Elle on her own in a beautiful long emerald green gown on what looks like a cruise ship.

"You look lovely Elle. So happy." I say politely and hand the phone back. Having gotten the gist quickly enough of how she wants her life to be seen.

"Thank you darling! We've had some amazing times; me and my Jakey."

"It certainly looks it."

"And guess what? I wasn't going to say anything but I found a brochure for a luxurious adult only resort in the Bahamas! The Bahamas Mia! Can you believe it? I know I worry about our marriage at time's and we both probably do need space every now and again, but it all boils down to the same thing. That man loves me and he loves to surprise me." She says with a huge grin.

What the fuck? The Bahamas?

I shake my head confused.

"Sorry Elle, I thought you said that Jacob was acting  distant more than ever?"

"Yeah? He has been. But I guess he's just sorry for ruining my party and maybe he realises he was being silly about the money and he wants to treat me to something. This is what Jacob does. When things get tough, he usually books us a well needed holiday and we come back feeling better."

My head feels worse as I listen to her words. One minute I'm picturing coming clean and running off into the sunset with Jacob and the next I'm finding out he is planning some romantic holiday with the woman he claims he wants to leave? What the fuck is this.

It's not like I can go storming over to Jacob now and start demanding answers and try to make sense of where I actually stand with him.

"Elle, I'm sorry but I've come over feeling so sick. I think I need to get to bed."

"Oh? Really?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I just haven't been feeling right lately. Think I just need an early night..."

"Oh okay, that's a shame, I was enjoying myself. Well okay then, I'll try and pop by before I head off to Cape Verde if you like?"

"Yeah, sure. That'll be nice." I say as I stand up and clear the patio table from the drinks.
I feel quite rude, almost rushing her to finish her drink and leave but I genuinely do feel sick now.

I think it's the stress, or the thought of Jacob jetting off to a beautiful hotel with Elle and I can't cope with it all anymore. I also can't bare another moment of listening to Elle's drivel.

"Where was the watermelon vodka from? I might have to go and get some."

"I got it in ASDA." I answer as I open the front door for her.

"Oh. That'll be why I never saw it before. I haven't ever stepped foot in one of those. I usually just stick to the proper food shops where I can get some more of mine and Jacob's favourites."

I refrain from commenting on yet another insult and attempt to smile gracefully.

"Here, you can have the rest." I say, as I grab the bottle of vodka from the kitchen side and hand it to her.

"Aw, Mia, you're so kind."

"You're welcome. Goodnight." I respond before closing the front door behind her and letting out a sigh of relief.

Fuck.

I feel tears rushing to my eyes and I'm so angry that I'm crying over Jacob again that it makes me even more upset.

Fucking Bahamas. Fucking Elle. Fuck this.

I rush up to my bedroom and slam the door behind me. I feel sick. What am I apart of? I'm not even sure I know anymore.

Just as I turn to get into bed, I see movement in the corner of my eye. It's Jacob up at his office window. He raises his hand to wave at me as he continues to stare at me. My eyes are too watery with tears but I think he is smiling. I shake my head before turning my back and diving into my bed.

Listen to your head, Mia. Forget Jacob. You're going to get hurt.