Our Little Secret ➳ Camila Cabello

five

I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces as they stared back at me. Less judgemental than I would expect, more like they were jealous. I don't know why anyone would be jealous of me. What's so good about me? I'm a shitty person, I'm not attractive, and I have yet to call my parents since moving in with Camila and the girls on the bus.

My parents and I don't really get along. Mostly because I'm gay as I can fucking be and they are extremely religious. They believe that I chose to be gay and that its all a matter of your mind. They don't understand that I can't help that I think dick is gross, and that's what pisses them off the most. Listen, I'm a girly-girl most of the time, but just because I'm a bit more feminine than most, doesn't mean I'm not a lesbian. I hate stereotypes of girls that are 'too pretty to be gay', I kinda want to tell those people, 'no. you're too ugly for me to be straight.' But I digress. When I told my parents about my sexuality, they kicked me out and my uncle took me in. He was really accepting and protective and to this day I appreciate him more than anything.

I kept staring back at the people as the girls and Shawn met up with me at our designated table. Camila and Austin were on the other side of the huge ballroom and they looked like they were having a pretty good time. Of course. I looked over at Lauren and her date and saw that they seemed a lot more distant than they were only a hour ago. Lauren got her phone out and started typing. I couldn't help, but just glare at her and see one tear fall from her face. She quickly wiped it, and got up from the table to run outside. Everyone looked at each other and I got up from my seat, "I'll be right back." They nodded and I did my best to run after her in the tall heels. Lauren ran up the steps of the now lit up gazebo and sat down at the table inside. I knocked on the wooden rail and smiled to my emerald eyed friend. "Can I come in, too?"
Lauren sniffled and nodded wiping her eyes and under her water line to get any smeared makeup. I sat beside her and laid my hands out on the table. I nudged her with my elbow, "You wanna talk about it?"
Lauren didn't say anything or move. "Well, if you don't say anything this will just be one of the quietest moments I've ever had in a gazebo."
A small chuckle blurted from Lo as she wiped another tear. "How do you know when you should give up on someone and move on to the next person?" She said as her voice crackled mid-sentence.
I shrugged, "I dunno. I like to think that when the person you like isn't into you anymore or they are drifting apart, you need to cut off those strings before you hurt yourself anymore." Wow, I just spoke to the choir. That's exactly how I feel right now. I have no doubt in my mind that Mila likes Austin. I know she says she doesn't, but she does. Do you remember when I said Austin looks at her a lot? Well, Mila looks at Austin constantly, with this goofy smile on her face. That smile used to be reserved for me so that's how I know about this. I did my best to control my feelings and not tear up myself. "Is this about your friend in there?" I asked Lo trying to get her to be anything but quiet.
She nodded, "Yeah, well kinda. Not just her."
I nudged her once again. "So, you are gay! Join the club. We meet every Wednesday at the 'Carpet Club' down the street." I said jokingly.
Lauren giggled and looked at me for a second then looked away. "So, how are you feeling about Camila and Austin right now?"
I looked down at my hands and frowned, studying my painted fingernails. "I'm not the biggest fan. Especially because Camila seems to have forgot all about me. Which has happened a lot lately." It broke my heart to say the truth out loud. But I couldn't hide from it anymore. I looked over at Lauren and frowned, "You do notice it don't you? Don't lie." Reluctantly, Lauren turned to meet my gaze and slightly nodded. "Yeah, I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. 3 years was enough time I guess."
Lauren seemed to be getting closer, but I didn't mind. Her voice was solemn. "What do you plan to do if things go... bad?"
I faked a smile and looked at her, "I'll probably play it by ear. I'll make sure my uncle is on wait though, that way I can finish my senior year right and try to forget Mila by boozing and smoking like a normal teenager." My eyes lit up. "That reminds me, I'll be right back."
I ran to the side of the building and slipped through the door to grab two champagne glasses and a extra bottle that was sitting in ice. Then, hurried back to a confused Lauren. I handed one of the glasses to her and basically bowed to her, "Here you go, mi-lady." I mocked in a terrible British accent.
She nodded with a smile, "Thank you."
I hurried to peel the wrapping off the top of the glass bottle, then used all my strength to pop the bottle open, sending the cork out onto the grass beside the wooden gazebo. I hurried to pour the drink in Lauren's and my glass before it started to foam over and I was successful. I lifted my glass to the sky and she followed, "Cheers to getting over people and hopefully being happier." I said as we clinched our glasses together in agreement.
I took a sip of the bubbly, alcoholic beverage and exhaled in relief. "Ya know, I don't get what the big deal is about this shit." I said sitting my glass on the table. "It really doesn't taste any better than Smirnoff Ice."
Lauren raised a brow at me and smirked, "How would you know what Smirnoff tastes like? Camila hates when you drink."
I giggled mischievously picking the glass back up, "Well, I do have my time to do what I want when I visit my uncle back in Houston." I took another sip and frowned, "But I'll probably be back there soon enough anyways."
Lauren laid her hand on my arm to comfort me, "You don't know that. Maybe this whole 'Camila-drifting-away' thing is just a plan."
I shook my head finishing off the last sip of my glass and grabbing the bottle to refill it. "No, she's been acting like this before the management came into play. I just didn't notice it until I caught her sucking face with Austin."
She sighed and looked down at her hand that was still placed on my arm and quickly pulled it away. I didn't mind her comfort. It was sweeter and more special when comfort came from Lauren because she was one of those people that had a hard outer shell, but soft deep on the inside.
I looked at Lauren who was studying her half full glass to a deep extent. "So, what're you gonna do about your date in there?" I asked in a mocking tone to mess with her.
Her fingertip ran over the length of the glass' rim as she spoke to me in a milky voice, "Probably just be friends. You were right. I need to be happy. I just got to find the right person."
Lauren looked at me, making full on eye contact and putting me in a trance. Before I knew it, Lauren was getting closer and I was too. I felt like her gravitational force was pulling me closer and I wasn't going to try to fight it. I'm not blaming it on the alcohol, but I'm blaming it on my emotions. Our lips mashed together and moving in perfect synchronization. After a few seconds, I noticed what I was doing and I pulled away. Lauren still looked happy until she saw the worried look on my face. Now, I'm gonna be honest. I regret giving into the kiss, but I don't regret being kissed by her. Lauren was always like one of my best friends, and I always feel the most comfortable with her. I'm kinda happy this happened. Her eyes widened in embarrassment and fear, "Oh my God, y/n. I shouldn't have done that at all. I feel like such a shitty per-"
I rubbed my thumb pad over her soft bottom lip to shut her up, "No worries, Lauren. It was the emotions. I'm not offended."
Lauren looked down almost fearful, "Yeah, but Camila will be."
I patted Lauren's back to console her, "You think I'd tell Mila about this? No. You two have too good of a friendship and I would rather my relationship be over than your friendship." I admitted pulling my arm back into my lap. My phone started to vibrate with new message.