Our Little Secret ➳ Camila Cabello

nine

"So what do y'all wanna watch?" I asked as we made our way back into the kitchen to grab some drinks.
"Titanic!" Normani screamed first before anyone else could answer.
Ally shook her head, "No, that's Y/N and Mila's movie. Even though it is my favorite too."
I smiled and walked to the fridge, followed by the other two girls. Normani sat on the stool by the island to wait for us. "How about Zombieland. It's been years since I saw that movie."
"Yeah, let's watch Zombieland." I giggled as I grabbed a few sodas and left the fridge open to hand them to Mani.
Ally went to the fridge to grab her own and noticed there was a lot of alcoholic beverages. "Y/N, how much does your Uncle drink?"
I glanced over to the fridge and smiled, "Not too much. Some of those are for me."
She turned almost instantly to me, "You mean you drink whenever you're here?"
I nodded almost confused as to why it was such a big deal. "Yeah, so?"
"Yes, let's turn up!" Normani said grabbing the vodka from the bottom shelf.
"Go ahead, Mani. We'll catch up." Ally said grabbing my arm to make sure I stayed put. Normani left dancing and twirling in excitement and Ally made sure Normani was gone before she looked back at me. "Y/N, I don't like that you drink when no one is around."
"Save it, Alls. I'm fine. I haven't even had a drink since that night at the wedding, and that was the first time I've drank in ever since we went on that fucking tour." I said grabbing two more sodas from the fridge, then grabbing a few shot glasses from the cabinet.
"I'm serious, I don't like it. Especially knowing you're depressed." She said grabbing the sodas from my hands so I wouldn't drop the shot glasses.
I rolled my eyes and stacked the shot glasses into each other, "Just because I act depressed technically doesn't mean I am until I'm diagnosed by a doctor and not a mother."
"Just because I act like your mother doesn't mean I won't whoop your ass like one." She said giving me back my own bitchy tone.
"Fine."
"Just fine?"
I was completely annoyed, "Ally, I don't know what you want me to say."
"I want you to tell me you won't drink by yourself or even at all for that matter since it's just you and your Uncle here anyways. I know what you do when you're drunk and I can't help but want to protect you. I've been doing that for almost 3 years and it's just natural to me now." Her voice was so soothing and warm. I nodded to give her what she wanted, but that wasn't enough. "Promise me, Y/N."
"I promise, Ally." I crossed my fingers behind my back. I don't promise anything anymore. But that's for my own selfish reasons.

We walked into the theatre to see Normani eating a slice of pizza already. "You couldn't wait for us?" I asked setting the glasses down beside Normani on the ground.
She shook her head, "It was calling me. I had no choice."
I smiled and went to the back to climb up the swirled staircase and enter the projection room to insert Zombieland. At that moment, I got a call from an unknown number, and answered it pulling the phone up to my ear.
"Hello?" I said hesitantly into the receiver.
The familiar young voice replied, "Hey Y/N. It's James from the market."
I shook my head in disgust, "Oh yeah what's up?" Did he really have to call me right now? We just saw each other a few hours ago.
"Well, I'm here with a few people that you most definitely will remember." What was he talking about?
Just then, a different voice rang through my phones headset. "Hey Y/N! What's cracking baby girl?" I knew who it was. It was my old friend Jessie. Her voice was like I used to remember it although a bit more profound and grown up.
I replied smiling, "Jessie? Oh my God, it's been so long."
"I know, and I heard you're back for the week. But you gave James, the shithead, your number and not me? I'm horribly offended." Jessie joked. I heard her start to slurp through her straw.
"Well, if you were to have ran into me randomly in a market you would've got it instead."
Jessie sounded surprised. "Wow, I like the bitchy tone. It suits you. Well, I'm gonna get your number from him and I'll start texting you. Oh and by the way, are you coming to the house party James told you about?"
I scratched the back of my head and started thinking, "I don't know. I don't have any information on it or anything."
She chuckled causing me to have such a déjà vu of when her and I used to hang out. "Sounds like James to not give any information at all. It's at Karley's house tomorrow around 9. You remember her? She used to chill with us a little before she moved off. Well, she's back now. But yea.."
I remember Karley, sadly. She was a bitch to me and to everyone around her. When she started bullying me, a lot of people started doing it too. Even Jessie at one point. Eventually she moved off with her family to Nebraska because of her father and his work. Although, I'd kill myself if I lived in Nebraska. No offense, but the girls and I had drive through it on the tour and there really is nothing but feilds everywhere. It makes me feel like I'm in a redneck horror movie. "Yeah, I remember. But I'll definitely make it out there. I may be there at 10, but it's better than nothing."
She squeaked in excitement, "Yas, okay. I'll text you, bye."
Jessie gave the phone back to James and I heard his cocky voice, "Yeah. I'll see u there, Y/N."
I ended the call and almost gagged. There was a knock on the projection room, so I hurried to lock my phone and stuff it in the elastic of my spandex. "Come in!" I said as the door swung open.
"What's taking so long?" Normani said handing me a shot glass filled with vodka. I quickly swallowed the stinging drink and felt it fall all the way down my throat.
"Just turning on the computer. I'll be there in a second." I said as Mani started walking back down the stairs.
"We are taking another shot when you get down here, just saying." Mani yelled from the bottom of the steps.

--

After an hour of Zombies, Pizza, Chips, Oreos, Vodka, and other assorted snacks, we decided to make our way up to my room for more comfort. I knew I needed to tell the girls about my parents, and what better time to do it than when we are all somewhat buzzed.
They all plopped down beside me and I pulled out my phone to see 3 text message notifications. One from Mila, and two from who I was guessing was James and Jessie. I didn't answer any of them. I just plugged my phone to the charger so I could get myself to be courageous enough to tell the girls.
I inhaled deeply then just let it blurt out, "So, my parents are gonna be here on Wednesday." Wow, Y/N. You really know how to start a conversation.
Ally looked back at me and wiped the pizza sauce from her lip line. "What?"
I shook my head and stared at the screen, "Nothing."
Mani turned around with a confused look on her face, "What do you mean your parents are gonna be here on Wednesday?"
I exhaled now trying to stop myself from being so nervous at the mention of them, "What I s-said." Shit. I have a problem where when I'm nervous or anxious, I stutter a lot. It only happens every once in a while because I'm usually not like this. So, when I am the girls know something is up.
"You're freaking out, Y/N. There's something you aren't telling us." Ally said and I shook my head as a reply. "I'm calling Mila on FaceTime."
I slapped her phone out of her hand and onto the bed, "Please don't, I'll tell you."
They both sat with their legs criss crossed and listened. "My Uncle said they are coming down to visit me since they haven't seen me in a while."
"More like 5 years." Normani said sarcastically and Ally hit her arm to allow me to continue, but I just got silent.
Ally laid her hand on my leg, "Why do they want to visit? Did you ask them?"
"No. I don't know why they are coming. I really wish they wouldn't. It's stressing me out so bad that I started to break out in a rash on my side." I lifted up the side of my sports bra to show the tiny red bumps.
Ally could see the fear in my eyes and got closer to me, "Is there something deeper to this besides you getting kicked out of their house when you were younger?" I sighed nodding my head. God I don't want to tell them, but I've been holding it in for so long that I haven't been able to think clearly lately. My heart is pounding at almost 1,000 miles per hour and I'm almost sure I'm about to have a heart attack, but Normani gets close and lays her head on my shoulder. "You don't have to tell us, hun. But it'd make us feel a lot better if you did."
A small tear dropped down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it. The memories started pulling back in almost making me crumble to pieces, but I did my best to keep myself together. "My parents always kind of knew I wasn't normal. I guess I always acted gay and them being Christians, wanted nothing to do with it. They would punish me every time I'd do something they didn't like. Sometimes it wasn't even bad, I was just being a kid."
Ally just looked at me giving me her full attention, "What do you mean?"
"I was never girly. I always played my cousin's video games or played football and they took it as a sign of masculinity. I guess they thought I was turning into more of a transgender than anything at the time. And they didn't believe in that. At first it was just having me dress up in girly clothes, or buying me tea sets that I never really liked. Then when they saw nothing happening they would beat me." My eyes were brimming with tears almost feeling the pain of every punch, kick, and swat all over again.
Mani pulled me in closer making sure I felt loved. Ally looked so upset, "How often did this happen?"
I started crying remembering every time I was beat. "Everyday maybe twice a day. I guess they figured they could beat the 'gay Demons' out of me. So to speak." I laughed trying to make a joke out of my insecurities.
Ally smiled at my joke, but got serious again. "Y/N, does your uncle know?"
"Maybe. I never spoke to him about it, but he was there a few times when they would do it. Although, they'd take me to their room to do it because it was quieter back there." I looked over to see Ally grab my hand and kiss it slightly.
"Baby girl, are you still afraid of them?" Ally said as she squeezed my hand tighter.
I nodded slightly, as tears began to fall from my eyes. "Please don't tell anyone, especially Mila. I don't want her to worry."
"You mean, she doesn't know?" Mani asked pulling away from me a little bit. I shook my head. "Well, she needs to Y/N. She'll be mad if you don't tell her, but we know about it."
I shook my head and cried more and more, "No, please. Don't. I'll tell her eventually. Our relationship isn't as strong as it used to be. This could make or break us. You've got to believe me."
They both looked at each other and nodded. I began to feel weak and I decided to just lay down and try to forget everything. Especially all the things I've been pushing out for the past few years. I just want to forget, and tomorrow at the party will be the day that I do.

I grabbed my phone, still leaving it plugged in to text Mila before I go to sleep to get ready for tomorrow.

Y/N: not feeling so great so I'm going to bed. I love u and I hope you're having a good time with your family.

She texted me back instantly.

Camila: ok. feel better and I love you too. Goodnight. xo