Our Little Secret ➳ Camila Cabello

forty-eight

The first week of the Reflection promo was even more exhausting for the girls than the week before. When they weren't being interviewed, they were performing. When they weren't performing, they were going to radio stations or working with ATV. It was like they had no breaks or pauses to catch their breath.

In the middle of all the commotion and craziness, a hard time fell upon the Jauregui family. Lauren had lost her Grandmother and when that happened, I could tell she had lost a little bit of herself in the process. She left the girls to be a 4-piece band until she could finish helping her family with the expenses and mourn correctly. I understand and I'm sure the rest of the girls did too.

It wasn't until a unexpected management meeting that the girls were banded together as a full group.

I was flown out to Australia after the girls were already there. They paid for a private flight because ever since I've been on Ellen, and made another singing video to suffice these 'so-called fans', people have gotten crazier towards me. Not in a bad way, thank God, but more like 'let me hold you and never let you go'.

When we dropped down in Sydney, I was picked up by a black van to be drove to a hotel down the road from the famous opera house. I was completely stunned by the architectural beauty of the city. It was bright and beautiful. Something amazing was seen around each corner.

I didn't even get to stop off at my room before Big Rob noticed I entered the building and directed me to a meeting room inside the hotel.

No one was there except for Simon, so I knew something was up.

He was smiling with his arms crossed, and his body leaned back in the chair. "Go ahead and come in, y/n. The girls will be here soon. They just finished an interview with Scoopla."
"What the fuck is a Scoopla?" I laughed pulling my phone out of my back pocket and setting it on the table.
He smirked, "Some show here in Australia." Simon looked cheesier than usual, which worried me. "So, how are you and Camila?"
That was a weird question coming from him. Usually he tried to stop all outgoing gayness at the door. I stared at him trying to read him and his intentions, "Uh, good. I guess. Why?"
He laughed, "No reason. I was just wondering if you're happier having this huge weight off your shoulders."
What was he even talking about? A weight? "What are you trying to say to me, Si? Stop being so damn cryptic."
His smile faded into a confused glance, "So, you haven't come out with Camila yet?"

My heart stopped. Why would he say it like that? I can't even express my aggravation towards him for this.
Listen, I haven't wanted to bother Mila about the coming out thing. Since I don't see her long enough to discuss it, and I don't want to put more stress on her about it. Plus, I'm still thinking that management is on her ass about the whole ordeal. Well, I was. I don't know what to think right now.

"What do you mean? She didn't say anything about- I thought you guys didn't want her to." I said still blatantly confused about the whole situation. I could feel my legs start to shake up and down in nervousness.
He seemed worried, "I told her she was allowed to come out. Hasn't she talked to you about it?"
"Talked to her about what?" Camila said walking into the room with the other girls.
Simon leaned back in the chair once more, "Ah, girls. Let's get this meeting done with so we can all finish our week here in Australia."
Dinah groaned, "Aw, but I like it here. People are so nice and cute."
I stared at the table blocking out all of the shit and rambling around me. I couldn't concentrate on anything except my anger, frustration, and sadness towards the topic of my relationship.
One angry tear dripped off my cheek and onto the table. Just one. That was enough to cause Camila's attention to shoot my way, and Ally put her hand on my back. "Are you ok, baby girl?" I shook my head and just kept staring at the table. "Are you in pain?" Ally asked me. I didn't move.
"Girls, listen. We don't have much time." Simon ordered pulling their attention back to him. A lot of muttering happened when he finally finished off with, "Does anyone have any questions?" I raised my hand and tried to keep myself from shaking. "Yes, y/n."
"Why didn't you tell me, Camila?" I sternly spoke.
She gave me the big puppy dog eyes, "Tell you what?" Her innocence was no longer cute. It was damaging.
"Don't play dumb. You knew we could come out as a couple, and instead you've kept it from me for almost a week and a half." I could feel the bitchiness start to bubble inside of me.
"Baby, listen. I thought about it and-"
I didn't want to hear her excuses, "Baby, nothing. What am I to you, Mila? Just a good fuck?! I thought I mattered. Am I just gonna be your little secret for the rest of my life?!" I couldn't contain the words spewing from my mouth. They were all full of hate and regret.
Her voice rasped when she replied to me, "You know that's not it. I'm just scared. That's all!"
"Scared your little secret is gonna embarrass you, is that it?" I retorted.
She was upset, "WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING YOURSELF THAT?!"
"Girls, stop." Lauren spoke up.
Ally put a hand on Lauren's shoulder, "They need to do this. Just let them speak."
"You don't remember, of course. Every time we'd kiss or do anything you'd refer to me as that in the beginning. At first it was cute, but then I felt myself get crushed every time. It just sticks in the back of my mind. I'm done being a secret. I can't live like this." I could feel my anger lead to sadness quickly.
Her face got soft and I could tell she remembered. Camila walked over to me and grabbed my hand, "I'm sorry, but this is something that can't be rushed."
I pulled away, "Rushed? Camila we've been in this thing for three years. I've been stuck in this tiny closet for too long."
"What are you trying to say?" Her voice began to crack once her eyes started to well up with tears.
"I think we're done, Camila. If you don't want to be honest now that you have the ability to, then you lose me." I started to grab my bags, and walk out the door after saying that to only be pulled back to see that a broken Camila had a grasp on me. "Please don't go."
I yanked my hand away and walked out the door with my head held high. But why was my heart dragging it back down.

My first love, my soulmate, she's nothing now. How could I have been so blind to not see the scared kitten behind the fierce mane? Why did I put myself through all that just to have my heart stepped on?

Once I was out of the building, I went down the street to a Burger Urge to sit down and pull out my phone to call my uncle.
The phone rang about 6 times before his deep voice spoke to me, "Y/N? It's 4 AM. What do you want?"
I sniffled trying to keep myself from crying, "Can you buy me a plane ticket. Please?"
He straightened up a bit and I could hear him clearly, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
I wiped my water line before continuing, "I wish. I found out that Camila has been lying to me about coming out this whole time, so I broke it off with her completely. Mike, her and I are done and I'm stuck in Australia. I need you to help me get back to Houston."
He sighed deeply, "I understand. I'll call you in about an hour and half once everything is settled with the tickets to tell you the information. Okay?"
"Thanks. I'll see you soon." I droaned before hanging up the phone.

I should've saw all this coming. I should've known she would've never came out with me. Why would she? I'm nothing special. Nothing that will help her gain popularity. Nothing that could support her financially.

I had to get away from these depressing thoughts. From this morbid obsession with love and loss.

I went to order myself a burger meal to sit down and eat my feelings. Although, fast food isn't always my favorite so it wasn't something I wanted. I wanted to fill the void with Camila. Damn it, stop thinking about her. Finally, I got tired of the greasy mess and pushed it away knowing nothing could help me completely.

It was about 45 minutes when Mike called to tell me that he got the ticket and wanted me to call a Uber car to come get me. I did as I was told and waited for the car.

About 30 minutes later, I got a distressed call from Lauren, "Hey, are you okay?" Her deep voice said.
"Leave me alone." I replied taking one of the French fries and placing it into my mouth.
She wasn't fazed by it, "Don't be mad at me. I still want to be your friend. We all do. We're just worried because you're not at the hotel. You're gone. All alone in Australia." Her voice got quieter and more worried saying the last sentence.
"I'm going home to Houston soon, Lauren. I won't be alone for long." I replied coldly.
I could hear the sadness in the back of her voice, "Yes you will. Living with Mike is just like being alone. I don't want you to be alone. None of us do."
"Don't worry about me anymore. I'm no longer needed." I could hear someone tell Lauren it was time to go on air. "Go ahead, Lauren. Have a good time in Sydney."
I hung up the phone and just as I was about to throw away my food I got a call telling me the uber car was here.

I grabbed my suitcase, Jansport bag, and duffle then walked outside to see the black car. "Hello Ma'am." The thirty year old man said before putting my suitcases into the trunk. "Are you ready to go to the airport?"
I nodded before entering the car.