Your Lying Eyes

Your Lying Eyes Chapter 55

"I think it's best if I just go back inside don't you?" she asked him, shaking his hand off her arm.  She started to walk away from him, heading back towards the hotel.

"Please Anna, I'm sorry about last night.  I shouldn't have said those things," he tried to apologise.  "Anna, please."  

He caught up and went in front of her, walking backwards as he spoke, bumping into a tree that he didn't see.  "Ow, fuck!" he exclaimed, as he banged his head on a low hanging branch.  He raised his hand and rubbed where he had hit it.

Despite herself, Anna couldn't help smiling as he stood there frowning, looking at his hand for any signs of blood from his head.

"Serves you right," she told him.  "You ok?" she asked as she went to inspect the back of his head.  "Huh, no damage done.  You'd have to hit that head a lot harder to put a dent in it!"  she told him unsympathetically.

"Oh thanks a lot," he smiled at her, still rubbing where it hurt.  "This mean you'll let me apologise properly now?" he asked her, pulling what he hoped was a pitiful face.

Anna looked at the pathetic expression on his face and reluctantly agreed.  They made their way to the terrace and sat at one of the tables there, a high laurel bush shading them in the early morning sunshine.

Howard shifted awkwardly in his seat, searching for the right words to say.

"I'm sorry I said what I did last night," he repeated. "I was disappointed that you wouldn't consider us trying again, really I was.  I still am," he admitted to her.

"I shouldn't have hit you either.  I'm sorry Howard," she apologised to him.  

He nodded at her and smiled weakly.  

"It's ok, I deserved it for saying what I did," he looked over at her.  "I shouldn't have said that.  I was just so surprised that you didn't even seem to consider what I'd asked you.  I meant it.  I still do," he told her placing his hands over hers on the table.  "And today is our first wedding anniversary.  It would have been good to make a new start today."

Anna shook her head at Howard's words, her eyes firmly fixed on their hands.  Her thumbs rubbed against his long fingers, covering hers.

"Maybe but Howard, it won't work.  Like I said before, we've had our chances and it's failed.  We need to accept that."

"I can't and I won't.  You know that I love you and you still love me, I'm certain of that."

"Whether I do or I don't it doesn't change things," she insisted to him.

"We can change things if we want to," he told her, lifting her chin up to make her look at him.  "I want to, I thought that you would too."

"I can't Howard.  I'm too scared to try again."

"What are you scared of? " he asked her wanting to know.

"You," she said softly, biting her lip.  "I'm scared of you, How."

"Me?" he exclaimed in surprise.  "But why?  Why are you scared of me?"

"You hurt me.  Too deeply and now, too often.  I don't want to feel like that again.  That's why I'm scared of you.  You hurt.  Jason won't do that.  He won't hurt me like you've done."

Howard hung his head miserably as he spoke.

"Only those we love can really hurt us. Maybe you don't love Jason as much as you love me."

"Maybe, I don't know," she admitted to him.

"And you would rather be with him, who you don't love as much, than be with me?" he asked her.  "Does he make you feel like I do?  Do you beg him not to stop like you did with me last night?"