Battles In Life

26

Dana

"Look I know you are feeling uncomfortable about it and the last thing I want is to make you do something you don't want to do but.." "but that's exactly what you want me to do" Lochie sighed as i shook my head in frustration. "Please dana" "you know what fine I will f*cking do it" "dana" "no I don't want to hear it, I said I'd do it now I'm putting on some music and thats what i am going to listen too. I think you should leave".
"I'm going to go" i nodded and walked to the door opening it. As Lochie got to the door he looked at me "Dana I'm sorry" "yeah" Lochie walked out and i slammed the door. I didn't want his company right now, I needed to be alone to listen to music and to calm down. Why couldn't he just say no and leave it at that. I don't get it. I understand he runs a business but to put someone in an uncomfortable position just to please alexander it made me angry.
I never wanted to be a model or to be in the spotlight. And being a model it will do exactly that which could also lead my ex and those girls to the city, if they are still looking or start looking knowing that I am still alive. I still have all the evidence of what they had done to me.
Sitting by the stereo, taking in the music just thinking about it all, it frustrated me even more. Seeing my phone light up, I knew it would be Lochie. Opening my phone I read his message.

Lochie - dana I'm really sorry I shouldn't have introduced you to alexander now I have put you in the most uncomfortable position and that's the last thing I wanted to do. Please understand i had no other choice but to beg you to do it. I hope this changes nothing between us.

I'm not even going to reply he knows I'm upset about it.
Just thinking about being in the spotlight and putting myself in that position my body started to shake, my hands the worst.
The thoughts of every bad scenario went through my head from being in front of the camera to what happens when people see it. What if they find me? What if they try to harm me again?.
My heart rate picked up and my breathing got heavier. "Come on just fight it, don't let it take over" speaking to no one but myself, I felt like I was going crazy.
I haven't had any attacks for over a month. I'm not going to call mom, I want her to enjoy her holiday and I'm definitely not going to call Lochie. Having no one else, I needed to deal with this on my own.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.
Five things I can see - couch, stereo, kitchen, wall, door.
Four things I can touch - leg, arm, floor, cabinet
Three things I can hear - breathing, stereo, nothing
Two things I can smell - vanilla, lavender
One thing I can taste - nothing.
Argh this is not helping at all. I can't go for a spa because If I black out in there it could be dangerous.
As my breathing got heavier my vision started to blur.
"Come on dana you can do this" as the thoughts of what could happen continued to invade my mind, I felt like I was struggling to breath gripping my chest.

Lochie

Sending dana a text I'd hoped she would reply but after a couple of hours and still not hearing from her I started to worry. I didn't want to lose her over this. I could hear her music still playing so I knew she hadn't gone to bed, there's no way the stereo in her room could be that loud unless of course she just put herself to bed not caring about the music. She has done it a few times, not that it bothers me. Sitting on the stool in my kitchen I contemplated whether I should just go over or not but I also don't know the reception I am going to get. Deciding to go see her, I grabbed my phone and my key heading out the door. I had no idea what I was going to say to her but I need to see her.
Putting the code in to her door, I opened it up and walked in closing it behind me. I couldn't see her so I walked towards her room hoping she was still awake. As I got past the lounge suite Dana was laying on the floor in front of the stereo. "Sh*t dana" dropping my phone and key, I ran to dana as she laid unconscious on the floor. Hearing her breathing lightly, I picked her up carrying her to her room. F*ck this is all my fault. Laying her in the recovery position on her bed, I tried to wake her up. "come on dana wake up. This is all my fault I'm so sorry" lightly shaking her arm dana opened her eyes before shutting them again as her breathing picked up "dana come on open your eyes" dana opened her eyes looking at me confused. Watching her eyes wander around the room she then looked back at me "why am I here?" "You were passed out in the lounge" "hmm can I go to sleep now" "no, you need to stay awake for a while" "I don't want to stay awake, I want to sleep" "soon dana, do you want some water" "no I'm just tired" dana then closed her eyes. I needed to keep her awake some how until her brain registers everything "dana can you look at me?" "I'm tired Lochie" putting my hand lightly on her face dana opened her eyes "that's better now I can see your beautiful green eyes" dana didn't say anything just continued to look at me. "Do you feel sore?" "No just tired" "do you know what happened?" "I was listening to music, how did I get in my room?" "I carried you, you passed out on the floor" "hmm okay". Dana closed her eyes again then opened them "I had an attack?" I nodded "argh I'm going to sleep you should leave" well it registered but her attitude definitely hasn't changed. "Dana I'm really sorry" "I'm fine you can stay or go that's up to you" "I will go turn the music down" dana nodded against her pillow.
Turning the music down, I picked up my phone and key then headed back into the room. Dana had rolled over on her side still on the covers with her shoes on.
"Dana are you going to get under the covers?" "Yeah". Dana sat up taking her shoes off and climbed in under the covers.
Argh I don't like this at all, hopefully after a bit of sleep she will relax. I know I have asked too much of her. I knew it would be too much but it's the only way I can stay on alexanders good side.

Closing my eyes I wanted to wrap dana under my arm like always but by the way she laid on the far side of her bed and faced away from me I'm guessing she won't want that. "Good night dana".

Waking up dana was still sleeping. She hadn't moved in her sleep at all. Deciding to let her sleep I got out of bed and left. I needed to go to work.

"Good morning Mr hernandez" "good morning sandy" "heather is already in" "thankyou".
Walking into my office, I closed my door, sitting down at my desk closing my eyes rubbing my hands over my face.

"Come in" "good morning Lochie" "morning, how did everything go yesterday?" "Good I left not long after you. Did you sort out the problem?" "Yeah" "you don't sound happy" "I'm not, I may of made alexander happy but I have pushed dana" "she'll come around" "will she?" "It's only one shoot" I just shook my head "no it's exposing her and its already done damage not only to our relationship but to her" "Lochie everything will work out" "I hope so. When is this shoot getting done?" "Monday" "great" "is she prepared for it?" "No not even close, she doesn't want to do it and only agreed in anger".
Hearing my phone ring I looked at the screen. Of course it has to alexander.
"Hello" "mr hernandez has dana agreed?" "Yes" "oh that's wonderful, thank you for sorting that out. I can already see it will be the best yet" "I'm glad you are happy. The shoot will be Monday" "I am. Fantastic please send me through some photos oh I am so excited to see them" "I will and that is wonderful" "take care spunky" "thanks bye".
Running my hands over my face heather spoke. "This is affecting you a lot" "yeah it is" "just talk to her about it" "oh I've tried but she has just turned cold towards me. we were supposed to be going to my parents tomorrow so they can meet her too" "good luck Lochie" "yeah thanks".