Unholy ✔️

XLV. Season

Forgiveness does not
change the past,
But it does enlarge the future

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SEASON

••••

Six Years Later

Taehyung

Marriage.

A lifelong commitment. Getting married meant growing up with the man or woman you chose to marry. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Just by mentioning that, it's better to choose the right person to marry and decide if you really want to be with that person. Carefully.

But why do we really decide to get married? Is it because of love? For convenience? Companionship? Is it really what we want? Or are we forced to do it? We have our reasons for why we choose to commit ourselves to one person. Whatever it is, being loyal and committed, whether in marriage or a relationship, is a different story.

When I was young and in a relationship, I think that this person is the one I want to marry. I want him to be the person I'll spend my life with. I couldn't imagine a day without him. I guess it's a normal thought especially when you're still young. But as you grow older, your way of thinking changes. And as we age, we begin to question ourselves, why didn't I realize these things earlier? And through that, we learn.

Six years ago, I came to realize a lot of things. About love, marriage, being a father, and being happy. But before coming to the realization, I thought I was experienced enough. I thought I was old enough and already know everything. But I was wrong.

Six years ago, I ended up questioning myself, what is marriage? Is it really needed? What is it for? Is it necessary? Until now, I'm not sure how to answer all those questions. There are days when my mind says it is. There are days when it's not.

Jimin and I tried to save our marriage. I mean, we've been together for more than nineteen years. The happy years that we had were enough for us to say, why don't we try again?

Perhaps, it was also our strong will to have a complete family for our children. It wasn't easy. There were days when everything felt so dark and empty. When our children learned what happened, I saw the brokenness in their eyes. I could feel their disappointments. And worst, their anger.

Jiho took everything in a very calm manner. Something I didn't expect from him. I guess I judged him too early. Though he admitted that he was disappointed that I cheated, he told me that he forgave me. I guess that was enough.

But his anger towards Jimin lasted for months. It wasn't easy for him to accept. He felt betrayed. He couldn't grasp the reason why Jimin should keep Ahni from his father. He thought it was an evil thing to do. We understood where his anger was coming from. And we let him dwell with it.

Ahni. She was the most hurt. She was confused. Maybe because she was still young, at first, she said I am his only father and that she didn't want another one. But after some explanations, comfort, and love, she finally decided to meet with her real father. The first few meet-ups were awkward, but slowly, they started to form a bond and it was very beautiful to see. Seeing Ahni getting comfortable with her father somehow took some of my fears and guilt. Guilt because instead of him, I was the one who did what he should be doing. I know it wasn't my fault, but I felt sad about it.

We undergo counseling. It went on for months. It helped us face the struggles in a calm and right manner, instead of us yelling and pointing fingers.

Our main focus was Jiho and Ahni. We witnessed the progress of our children. They learned that being angry is okay. It's okay to feel sad sometimes. Those bad feelings are normal. The counseling helped them tremendously. They learned how to handle their anger, sadness, and bad feelings. They learned to accept what happened in our family and, to ready themselves for our future decisions. And then, forgiveness followed.