Unholy ✔️

XXXV. I Can't

No matter how much you love someone, there will be a point that you just feel tired of everything

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The door opened as Yoongi entered Jin's apartment. The room was dark, only the light coming from the buildings gleaming through the windows. And it made him felt more gloomy and worried. Rushing to Jin's bedroom, he found Jin, sitting on his bed, with a glass in his hand with a brown-colored liquid inside. Jin was quietly staring blankly somewhere.

Yoongi breathed out a sigh of relief. Knowing Jin was there, even though weakened, at least he was awake. He sat down on the bed. He tried to find the right words to say. Or maybe some comforting words but he knew, Jin hated being comforted. "You should have told me."

Jin smiled softly, tears started to well up again, "My father was never absent during my school activities. He loved seeing me dance, sing, or act. No matter how funny I looked up there, he was happy just seeing me perform. He would wait for me during practice and would encourage me. He was happy seeing me up the stage and he often told me how amazing I was. I remembered him clapping, dancing, and singing down there, with a proud look in his eyes.

I know in my heart, you wanted that too. I know it's your dream. I can still remember the happiness in my father's eyes. I want you to feel that happiness too. That proud moment of a father watching his child. I want that for you. I want you to be happy."

Yoongi bit the insides of his cheeks. He knew Jin was right. He knew how much he missed with his daughter growing up. But at the same time, he felt guilty for not being there for his best friend when he needed him the most. "I just realized you're alone here when her parents were called to come to the stage. I felt stupid for not realizing that Taehyung could be there too."

Jin looked at Yoongi, "You don't have to apologize. She's your daughter. She should come first before anyone else."

Yoongi took a deep breath and held Jin's hand, "Jin, I told--"

"I don't need you to scold me. I wanted to be alone. You should go home. Or have dinner with Hoseok. Enjoy your night."

Yoongi stood up and got something from the bedside table. He placed it in front of Jin and sat beside Jin once more. Jin stared at the orange bottle, half filled with pills, in front of him. Tears started to flow down his cheeks.

"You did not take any pill for how many months now. I already noticed how you're slowly turning into who you are. I had to go and meet Dr. Lee so I can keep up with you."

Jin scoffed, the sniffles slowly turned into cries. Cries that sounded disturbing in Yoongi's ears. Yoongi closed his eyes. He wanted to touch Jin but he knew he would only push him away. He didn't know what to do. He was frustrated but at the same time, he needed to understand Jin the best way that he could. He ducked his head when the glass of whiskey flew above his head, nearly hitting him.

"I hate you!" Jin screamed at Yoongi who just stared back. "Why are you like that? Everything seemed so light to you. You don't give a damn to anything. You're always calm even if everything around you is in chaos! I hate you for keeping your feelings in. I hate you for letting me feel that I am the only one miserable! I hate you because you're strong! I hate y-you..."

Jin buried his face in his hands as he cried. Yoongi could only wrapped his arms around Jin, as he listen to his best friend's cries of grief. He waited patiently until only the sound of Jin's sniffles could be heard. Once Jin finally calmed down, he helped Jin lie down on the bed.

"I'll give him one more chance," Jin said in almost a whisper. Making Yoongi sigh as he puts on the blanket over Jin. "I know he likes me too. He just can't be with me because he's married."

Yoongi sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed the back of his head with his hand. Not knowing what exactly he have to say. "Jin, you don't have to do all this. You're destroying his family."

Jin smiled weakly, his eyes fixed on the ceiling as tears fall to his temple. "Do you think you can call that a family, Yoongi? Is that a family? Full of lies and deceits? I wonder if he can still choose Jimin after knowing the truth."

"Jin... Please. You will only confuse Ahni. Please leave that to me. I am already talking to a lawyer. I'm just waiting for the right time," Yoongi explained making Jin chuckled sarcastically.

"Right time? When is the right time? You begged. You just asked for a moment. Jimin is evil. He's keeping a dark secret not only to your daughter but to his son and husband too. All I want is for him to suffer. The way he made you feel. I want him to beg. I want him to know what loneliness is about. What being alone is about."

Yoongi held Jin's hand and rubbed it with his thumb. He's trying hard to stay calm for Jin. "You're no different with Jimin if you will continue that. Let me handle it. Please trust me. For now, just listen to me. Submit a resignation letter. Or maybe, have time for yourself first. Go on a vacation. Away. Alone, by yourself. I can come. Hoseok can come if you want. Relax. See nature. You can do it."

"Alone? By myself? I've been alone for years now. Do you know how I feel Yoongi? The people I loved and trusted abandoned me. You have no idea."

"Jin, you know I've been neglected too. For thirteen years of my life, I've been neglected too as a father of my child. But it didn't bring me to doing something ridiculous. You know being with Taehyung is complicated. He has a family. I don't like you doing this because of me. It's breaking my heart."

Jin sobbed as he shook his head. "I can't. I can't do that. I thought I'm only doing it for you. I thought I'll be happy knowing Jimin is stupidly clueless that his husband is cheating. I thought revenge will make everything okay. I'm sorry. I am selfish. I can't afford to lose him now. I love Taehyung. I love him now."

Finally, Yoongi was able to hug Jin tighter than before. He crawled to bed as he puts his arms around Jin, making Jin rest his head on his shoulder. "There's nothing wrong in loving. It's just, you loved the wrong person."

Jin cried silently as he buried his face on Yoongi's chest. Clutching Yoongi's shirt with his hand as desperation slowly taking him in. "Is it wrong if I only want to be loved? Everyone seemed to turn their backs on me. Nobody wants to be with me."

"It's not true. Many people love you. Stop looking for love from someone, Jin. Do not rely your happiness on someone else."

Jin did not react. So many things running in his head that he didn't want to share with someone else. He felt no one would understand him.

"Please take a pill tonight, and take a rest. It will make you feel better." Yoongi crossed his fingers, hoping to get a positive response from Jin. But Jin shook his head.

"It only puts me to sleep. It forces me to forget. I don't like it. I want to cry. That's all I want."

"Jin, it can help your mind to relax. You've already cried too much. But if you want to cry, then do it. I will stay here until you get tired and want to sleep. Just let me stay."

"I love him, Yoongi." Jin whispered between his cries.

Yoongi just pulled Jin closer. Not wanting to react. He was scared of the future. He was scared of what was to come. He was scared of what Jin was capable of doing. He was scared of what Jin might do if he wouldn't be able to get what he wanted. He knew Jin needed help. But what could he do if Jin didn't want to be helped?