Unholy ✔️

XIV. Thinker

Two-faced people, usually forget which mask they are wearing at some point in their life.

- Anthony T. Hincks

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SEOKJIN

Deep thinker.

I spend a lot of time thinking about life. Making me a reserved person. I think it's okay to be reserved. I have lesser friends. The truth is I only have two real friends. Yoongi and myself. The lesser friends you have, the lesser problem you'll have with people.

But being a deep thinker, I am always misunderstood. Perhaps, I am too busy thinking even on the smallest details that I already forgot to be sociable. I used to be sociable but recent events in my life made me a deep thinker. Or maybe, I am more of being careful.

I already developed a barrier against fake 'friends'. Perhaps, that's exactly the reason why I only have one real friend whom I can trust. But it doesn't mean I don't mingle with other people. I consider them as an acquaintance. I also acknowledge the fact that not all people are fake. Even an acquaintance can be a real friend.

"So what's your plan?" Yoongi asked as he drives me home.

"What plan? I have loads of plans in my head. For myself, or Taehyung?" The smirk never left my face. Yoongi is sometimes trying to be a saint. Teaching me life lessons I already know.

Yoongi lets out a deep sigh while he shakes his head. "That's bullshit Jin. I know you. You're befriending Hoseok for some reason. I thought you hate fake people? Why are you acting like one?"

I laughed, I form the oil blot film into a small ball and throw it on his face causing him to glare at me.

"Fake people hide behind a mask. I never hide. I am always real."

Yoongi licked his lower lip while smiling sarcastically. "Since when Jin? Since when did you remove your mask?"

I scratch my temple with my index finger. I can't believe Yoongi wants to give me an instant headache. "Listen to me. You know that I am obsessed with vanity. Okay, obsessed is too much, I love vanity. I want to be visually appealing.

I entered that salon precisely for that reason. I am nice at Hoseok because I am sure he loves beauty as much as I do. Taking care of ourselves is the right term for that.

If I didn't learn that he's Taehyung's friend, I still think that we will get close. If not close, perhaps, acquainted. And aside from beauty, he's also your friend. I want someone with whom I can talk about the same interests as mine. But since he is Taehyung's friend, then I have more reason to befriend him.

Befriending someone even if you don't like them, especially when you have personal motives, that's being fake. I like Hoseok that's why I befriend him. Those two are different.

It's true, I have another purpose and that's to know why he's not friends with Taehyung's husband anymore. But I like Hoseok whether he's Taehyung's friend or not. Get it?"

Even if Yoongi always criticizes my attitude, I must admit that I put everything he said in my mind. Thinking if I am that kind. If I have to choose who my favorite person is, it has to be Yoongi. No pretensions, no keeping of secrets. I can be who I am.

Yoongi runs his fingers through his hair. He opens his mouth several times. Maybe trying to come up with reasons why I am wrong.

"Jin, seriously. I'm not sure if you are just a deep-thinker or a narcissist. I'm sure, you have something else in mind that you don't want to open up to me. Please Jin, stop it. You hate fake people. You hate users. Yet, yourself is showing signs of being one."

"Here comes Mr. Genius." I sigh as I continue browsing on my phone. I am sure that he will find a way so he will win.

"I know you only want Hoseok because of your motives."

I let out a bark of laughter. "What are you talking about? I just want to be friends with someone with the same interest as mine. And even if I tell you the real reason, you won't understand. I and Hoseok have the same mind. That's all and don't give a wrong meaning to that."

"You're unbelievable! Hoseok, for sure, has acceptable reasons why he doesn't like Jimin. While you, you don't like Jimin because he's Mr. Kim's husband. Yours is unacceptable.

If you're talking about both of you being vain, okay, I get it, but I do hope that's the reason why you want to be acquainted with him. Other than that, please, stop."

I stared at Yoongi, trying to read his mind. "It seems like you and Hoseok are close."

Yoongi shakes his head. "I have my own set of friends Jin. I and Hoseok are long-time friends. Of course, we are close. And I take care of my friends just like how I take care of you. But of course, you will not understand what I mean because obviously, you don't have anybody other than me.

When people are nice to you, you tend to overanalyze things and will label them right away as a user or people with an ulterior motive. But then, you're acting the same when you say that you like someone."

I hate it when Yoongi judges me based on what he thinks rather than asking me if that's really what I am thinking. "What's your point?"

"Listen, being deep in your thoughts is okay, but then, your deep thinking makes you live in your own visually perfect mind that you failed to apply those thoughts in real life. And in the end, it only remained as thoughts. Did those beautiful thoughts change you? It did not. Your thoughts are perfect, but it's too far from what you are showing and saying. Shallow and sometimes, unreasonable.

In your case, your deep thinking always ends up overthinking. It's not healthy Jin. People will mistake you as anti-social. You're happy and contented in analyzing things that should not be analyzed in the first place. You always find faults in others, but you don't find something wrong in yours.

When people are nice to you, don't think that they are only using you. There are nice people in this world. Not everyone is fucked up. When people appreciate your beauty, it doesn't mean that they only like you for that. I mean, is it wrong to admire your beauty? In reality, that's the first thing people notice. I know it's wrong, but don't give a wrong impression to someone just because they appreciate your looks.

I understand why you're like that. I know what happened to you. I know where all those pains are coming from. I know how dark your past was. You're smart Jin. You know what's good and what's not for you. But please, stop overanalyzing things. Stop using others just to find yourself. Stop doing things that you think will make you complete and happy. Stop looking for your father's love from others. Try to see the beauty in this world. Give yourself and others a chance. Because no matter how hard you try, your father's love is and will always be different from others."

I stared at Yoongi for a while. It feels like my ears are ringing. Every word he said registered in my head. Yoongi is good with words. That's given.

"Are you done with your speech?" I raised an eyebrow to Yoongi.

Yoongi stopped the car in front of the condo. "You're a bullshit Jin."

I wink at him and smile. "I already know that. Anyway, you gave me more reason to think something is ongoing between you and Hoseok. And I will soon find out. Goodnight meow meow!"