Unholy ✔️

XV. Beginning*

"If you could read my mind,
I'm pretty sure you'd either be
traumatized,
sexually aroused,
or both."

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"We were drinking alcohol. I was there, casually enjoying the night. It started as a simple talk. He offered me a drink. I never even thought about cheating. There are men who tried to pull me in that dirty trap. I was able to resist them all. But this particular young man presented himself. I am aware of what infidelity can cause in a relationship. I know, I am aware, it broke me into million pieces, it pointed me to the dark side of life, but I still think of doing it."

"You released unreflective desires. It's like a provocation. It's not an excuse. You still did wrong."

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SEOKJIN

Fake.

Am I really a fake person? As far as I know, I am just being real. But Yoongi's words cut deep. Deeper than I thought.

I've never been called a fake. Perhaps, no one will. Like what I've said, I don't have friends to tell me what's wrong with me. It's only me who keeps on telling myself that I am okay. I am perfect. I am fine.

Somehow, Yoongi was right. Am I narcissistic? I think so. I think people are all about me. I think they all admire me. My beauty. My capability. My body. I am all about myself. I love attention, no matter how many times I deny it.

Yoongi was right.

He thinks I am an over thinker. I overanalyzed things.

He was right again.

I create my own perfect world in my head. A perfect world that I can't even bring to life. My thoughts are perfect but my words and actions aren't. I am too stuck in my own world. The world that only exists in my head.

Yoongi was right.

But I don't know why I refuse to accept it.