I'm sat here drinking my tea, eating this toffee cheesecake and trying to distract myself from this overwhelming pain by watching a movie. I don't think its working because im still crying.
It's only really hitting me now slowly that my dad isn't going to be coming back. i feel like i keep waiting and thats why i havent been as depressed or emotional because it didnt feel real. i still had it in the back of my head that hes going to be coming back to me. that he would find a way. its my dad, he always finds a way.
earlier we set up a fundraiser for him and my uncle who also passed away and I've just been so angry and upset because it's barely reached anybody. My dad, the man who knew almost everybody and had family and friends all across the world and barely anyone is getting involved in this. I'm so angry because he deserved more than this. im so embarrassed that THIS is all i can do for him. honestly, i can feel myself shutting down. My dad isnt going to be coming back to me. He's dead and that is not going to change. I'm not going to have another conversation with him or another hug or another lecture. The pain of missing him is literally breaking me. I'm reminded of him everywhere i go. In the christmas lights i see, in the dark days i have where he'd come and bring me a banana milkshake to comfort me...
god.
I dont think i could handle anyone else dying.
YOU ARE READING
Guess Issa journal
RandomRead the title dimwit. I'm just gonna be chattin bout anything I wanna get off my chest. A lot of depressing shit so don't read if you're a lil bitch and tryna avoid them "vibes".
